The next couple of months at my life group are going to be painful for me I think. We're dealing with relationship.... and I left tonight really down.... One question that was asked generally was "Who do you rely on most? God, People, or your self" .... immediately an answer popped into my head... it was quite simple "I've given up" ... I didnt mention it out loud... after that question I kinda zoned out.... As much as I put effort into doing things for people, I've realized that I've pretty much given up on me... which may be why I dont say no to people when I'm too busy.... If I'm going to be misserable anyway, why not at least use that misery to help someone else.... at least someone can be happy. The reality of the situation is that I dont think I can do anything and as much as I seemingly trust people, somewhere I dont trust them and I believe that every human being will let me down and destroy me worse than I am. I made the decission before that I wasnt going to trust a girl so easily again.... and I did.... and when that backfired on me almost exactly a year ago, I think I've lost the ability to trust that anyone will help me or will take an interest in me. I cant rely on myself and I cant rely on others... the biggest problem of all is that while I'm serving God, I'm having huge issues trusting Him to make everything ok for me.... I'll say these words again and some people will read them here again and passively move onto the next website and forget them because I apparently dont know what I'm talking about.... but I'm emotionally a wreck.

The most pain of all tonight tho.... finding out that I'm not capable of a friendship, let alone a relationship. What I desire the most, I'm not even able to have.

And my sammy is back in PA.... tonight would be the night I'd love to hop in and drive around for a while...

So after a few odds and ends such as wiper blades, my sammy is legal.

Now on the other hand, leesburg is still hell with this plane crash thing. And add rush hour. In the famous words of a candy bar commerical - "not going anywhere for a while?"

So, yea - my sammy passed VA emmissions. I didn't do a safety inspection yet so I'm not sure about that yet. I'm sitting at DmV now so this will be a while. It was really was funny at the shell station because the mechanic was so positive it was not gonna pass.... When he came out of the bay he was like "well amazingly it passed" and I asked why he said it like that and whether it was a close call or something and he said he didn't have the readings yet. Later he handed my the paper and WOW.... The co% reading was dead 0 and the limit for hc ppm was 241 and I got 28 and NO ppm limit is 1592 and I got 891.... So shes in good shape emmissions wise.

On a side note, there is apparently a plane crash in leesburg. I wondered what all the traffic was for (even more than typical leesburg traffic) and someone had mentioned a plane crash. I did notice rt15 was closed which is somehat close to the airport. Crazy stuff.

She passed emmissions

So me and my sammy made it to VA.... 30 miles per gallon and used absolutely no oil... :) Now to see if the Commonwealth of VA thinks its safe *crosses fingers*

Woooo!!!! Taking the Sammy to VA tomorrow.... its just getting inspected and registered and then my dad is bringing it back to PA but at least we are making progress :) The best part is that this means I get to drive it on the highway tomorrow... I really wanna get it inspected down there soon before something else breaks :)

Future of video games outside the home

So today wasnt that bad of a day... I got to drive around in my sammy for a while and I stopped out at Pizza Hut.... I did find out today that I wont get to see Eli this time up here.... I really wish I could have since his birthday is coming up... I hope he knows how much I try to see him tho. I really can't understand how some fathers want nothing to do with their kids.... Eli isnt even my son and it hurts not to be able to see him much....

Hopefully everything tomorrow will be ok despite that. Have a great memorial day!

Psychology Today: The Art of the Tease

I have now been up for 33 hours straight..... yea, I think going to bed is within order... or, at least shortly. But it really was a great show tonight... did I mention that? :)

Awesome show!!!! There were over 23,000 people at the show... great great show. Right now we're just sitting in the car... im smarter than all the others apparently because Im sitting here just like them, except they are wasting gas :)

I have never seen Post Gazzette Pavilion this crowded.... I guess when you actually sell out on lawn seats its pretty freaking crowded.

No matter tho... Rascall Flatts is pretty much gonna rule :)

So its been day break for quite some time and Im only half way to New
Alex.... Im so just.... I dunno..... I feel like im carrying the whole
world on my shoulders sometime and of course when I need help there is
no one there. On top of that, me being in NoVA is sometimes just like
throwing fresh meat in a lions den.... I cant say no to anyone... I
like helping people.... and the selfishness of NoVA just eats me
alive.... Im so backwards and strange I guess..... Last week I got a
bonus and I figured I'd get something that was actually for me so I
bought a watch..... And the last few days I've just beat myself up over
it.... Should I have bought a watch? That's $30 that I could have used
somewhere else.....

I guess the fortunate thing is that since I dont have many real strong
friendships and places to go and people to hang with I do have stuff to
do with helping so many people and putting alot into everything that I
do.... the bad thing is that, well... it eats me alive and I never get
a break.... but anymore, I dont know if I could take a break for
real.... For me to relax at all, I need to be with someone.... and the
more that time goes by, the less that becomes true.

Then of course this whole week I was so thankful that I was gonna be in
PA this weekend and taking somewhat of a break.... but so far there are
like 3 or 4 projects for me to work on once I get up there.... so much
for that break I guess..... I wanna be there for everyone, but at the
same time..... ahhh, whats it matter.... This me and I guess people
always will take advantage of me since I'm so easy to take advantage
of.... I'll deal.... I have for 26 years now so I guess I should be
used to it.....

God, please take me home.... I cant keep going on anymore.... :(

First of all, sorry to anyone I screamed at or cussed out today.... I got some xanax in me now thank God....

But honestly, this day is a test, right? If I don't have a heart attack by the end of the day I pass. I slept in today... Big time. But I needed it big time too. But when I woke up I had 7 IMs, 10 text messages, 3 voice mails, and 30 emails (excluding spam - 10 of those were "important"). Apparently something crashed at the data center and my phone was on silent as well so I felt (and still feel) like a total failure there.

So tonight is when I get everything out of keiths.... Still haven't made it there. Decided to stop at Dulles Town Center to get some food.... Walk in and can't move.... Worse yet, its crowded because its some teen screaming can't-sing-worth-shit idol contest.... So there are about 4675432567544315870 screaming 12 year olds.... That is like instant panic attack. Thankfully there are a few hotties my age around the food court to relax me a little.. Lol.

I do gotta get to keiths and get my stuff and clean up, get to the data center and do some work, get home and organize some (alot) stuff, pack, and drive to PA. Thankfully ill be in PA tomorrow through Memorial Day but I'm sure there will be a workload for me up there as well but it shouldn't be too bad. I need a break.

Until today tho, I never realized how much I did and how much I was relied on. I knew I was busy -- insanely busy -- but I guess I didn't realize how important I am to a lot of people.... And honestly, while I feel like I let a lot of people down, I feel better cause I know I'm worth a little more than I thought. I do know one thing.... I apriciate my new roomies putting up with crap of mine in our living room that I haven't got to sort yet. I'm really happy with the arrangement because I live with guys that are new to the area and, as my friend Jodi put it, have not been "nova-ized" .....

Ok time to eat and start getting stuff done.... Right now I'm guessing ill get to PA around 6am-ish.... Thank God my samurai is ready and legal... I plan on having some fun with that.... My only hope is I get to see Eli sometime.

Again, sorry for those I pissed off..... Everyone have a great holiday weekend.

Freaking crap people..... can the world not go on without me? You sleep in a few hours and its like instant panic attack when you wake up with everyone needing something......

PCWorld.com - Google Knocks Microsoft off Dell PCs

Niiiice

panic attacks suck

MPAA accused of hiring a hacker

Nothing like breaking the law to damage those that are (supposedly) breaking the law.

So Virginia gave me an awesome Birthday present..... THEY FINALLY OPENED LOUDON COUNTY PARKWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Student faces expulsion for Web post

If you ever thought that school districts are only interested in controlling the minds of their students, this is your proof. Someone says something on his own time, own computer, off of school property and the school district wants to expel him. This is insanity.

So my friends surprised me tonight.... Kim, Becca, and Nathan all met me at KFC/Taco Bell and brought a cake and cards and stuff.... it was really really nice.... its been a while since I was able to hang out with them.... and we really had a good time....

Tho there is one thing tho that really bugged me.... Things arent fair sometimes.... and in this case, its the fact that Becca is going back to Brazil in less than 2 weeks.... it really isnt fair... She's such an amazing person and I really enjoy being around her and to be honest, I've never had hugs from anyone like I have from her.. hehe, may sound odd but she really means alot to me.... I think because in some ways we actually think the same way -- whether we realize it or not.

Add to that that Nathan is leaving Northern VA in about a month and that leaves just me and Kim as the "Origional Four" .... Really sad times.

But it was really nice that my friends surprised me like that.... I dont want to take away from the fun that we had... I was expecting to turn 26 without anyone noticing.... but at least someone did.

The world without Romania

05/24 [00:54] cipri: what are the odds that 2 ambulances to run in each other in a crossing?
05/24 [00:54] cipri: it just happened yesterday here in .ro
05/24 [00:54] cipri: too much stupidity kills
05/24 [00:55] cipri: both drivers ignored the signs, both had the alarms and lights on, but each one thought that they have priority

Sometimes you think you've seen it all..... and then....

NIKE+ : Overview

FSF - Protesters provide a nasty "vista" for Gates

Another link about the protest.... I love it!

Seattle anti-DRM flashmob | DefectiveByDesign.org

Now this is awesome :) Wish I could have been there because believe me, I would have been in one of those yellow suits!

Someone please give me something else to do because I dont really have enough as it is....... And please dont make that anything fun like hanging out or going to a movie with you or something.... I just cant deal with something such as that....

*sigh*

Water As Fuel Video

Hey! There is purple rings in my Fruit Loops! Is this something new or has it been THAT long since I've had Fruit Loops?

Strong Bad Email #152 : ISP

When your only friends are hotel rooms
Hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight

These roads never seemed so long
Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone
Will daybreak ever come?

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands

I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

August evenings
Bring solemn warnings
To remember
to kiss the ones you love goodnight

You never know what temporal days may bring
So Laugh, love, live free, and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the Lord

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands

I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

Friends

I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

I thought you said forever
Over and over
(And over and over)

These thoughts run through my head

"Paperthin Hymn" by Anberlin

ok, so I just woke up at 3:30.... So yea, I totally missed church but I really think it may have been a good thing for today. I really needed the extra sleep. Of course, now I have to do some more moving stuff....

Ok, so the majority of my crap is in my new apartment.... absolutely nothing is set up yet except what is important (this consists of only my bed :) .... I still have to get some odds and ends from my old apartment tomorrow.... basically just like the pictures and posters on the walls and some stuff out of my closet.... well, ok, maybe 2 car loads.... but at least the big stuff is here in my new apartment..... and I am tired.... very very tired..... Honestly, I got up the latest so I dont know how Rob and my dad were able to do it.... I really appriciate their help tho....

Ok, bed time.... and with a little luck I'll actually be able to get up for church.

Slashdot | MacSaber Turns Your Macbook into a Lightsaber

Evolution of Dance

Well, you know those times when you feel like
There's a sign there on your back.
Says: "I don't mind if you kick me,
Seems like everybody has."
Things go from bad to worse.
You think they can't get worse than that an' then they do.

You step off the straight an' narrow,
An' you don't know where you are.
Use the needle of your compass,
To sew up your broken heart.
Ask directions from a genie,
In a bottle of Jim Beam an' she lies to you.

Well, that's when you learn the truth.
If you're goin' through hell,
Keep on goin'.
Don't slow down,
If you're scared don't show it.
You might get out,
'Fore the devil even knows you're there.

Well, I've been deep down in that darkness,
I been down to my last match.
Felt a hundred different demons,
Breathin' fire down my back.
An' I knew that if I stumbled,
I'd fall right into the trap that they were layin', yeah.

But the good news is there's angels,
Everywhere out on the street.
Holdin' out a hand,
To pull you back up on your feet.
The one's that you been draggin' so long,
You're on your knees; you might as well be prayin'.

Guess what I'm sayin',
If you're goin' through hell,
Keep on goin'.
Don't slow down,
If you're scared don't show it.
You might get out,
'Fore the devil even knows you're there.

Yeah, if you're goin' through hell,
Keep on movin'.
Face that fire,
Walk right through it.
You might get out,
'Fore the devil even knows you're there.
Oooh.

If you're goin' through hell,
Keep on goin'.
Don't slow down,
If you're scared don't show it.
You might get out,
'Fore the devil even knows you're there.

Yeah, if you're goin' through hell,
Keep on movin'.
Face that fire,
Walk right through it.
You might get out,
'Fore the devil even knows you're there.

Yeah, you might get out,
'Fore the devil even knows you're there.
Yeah.

"If You're Going Through Hell" by Rodney Atkins

Prolexic Technologies - Blue Security will be missed

Dell opts for AMD's Opteron

Its about freaking time! Talk around the data center has constantly been people wanting to by Dell servers but refused because they were all intel based... Times change and occasionally its for the better.

Now if only they could work on a system that actually gets me to sleep when I'm tired :)

I am extremely irritable right now.... dont really know why... maybe its just the long week I've had and slight lack of sleep? Either way, Im gonna head to bed and watch some TV and hope to fall asleep quickly.

Techdirt: Would You Believe The RIAA Would Go Back On Its Word?

Day 2 of ISPcon was another good day.

Something being brought to my attention tho.... Our booth is right next to the booth for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. There are 2 girls running that booth that I have been talking to a good bit during slow times.... Aside from them being really great people, it really got me interested in actually looking at some things regarding children's safety online. Working in the usenet sector, im probably in a position where I could be exposed to this type of thing much more than the normal internet junkie (with the exception of those actually looking for it, of course). Thinking of all of my cousins who are online now and of course my little buddy, Eli, who someday in the not too distant future will be online, I really wanted to read up on more information so I have been checking out www.ncmec.org for the past hour and quite honestly, its been eye opening. And its not really that its new information to me but its information that I never thought of in certain ways -- and its information that I know many parents done have because they dont understand the internet.

I believe very strongly in privacy online but I also believe very strongly in protecting children. Disclosing certain amounts of information is good and bad and many times, the age of the person disclosing that information is the biggest deciding factor. For instance, I am an open book on my blog here... and this is information that I should be able to disclose at my will, however, a 10 year old child that would disclose the same level of information is at a very large risk. Granted, this blog carries a risk to me but its a risk that is worth the benefits and its a risk that I am better able to deal with than a young child or teen.

It is so important for parents to keep an eye on their children while they are on the internet. The scary thing is when you start reading some of the information and you realize that its something that could have (or did) happen to someone you know and are close to.... or even reading it and going "wow, I really shouldnt have said that to that person" or something like that. It's not always a matter of not knowing, but its often a matter of not thinking.

So, hats off to my friends at the NCMEC booth -- and every ISP that is registering with them! Let's do our part in keeping children safe online -- not keeping them offline.

Slashdot | Blue Security Gives up the Fight

Holy Crap!!! My post to slashdot made front page!

Record labels sue XM

Freaking A .... WTF is with this day?

Spam closes web security firm

This is truly sad...... :(

ISPcon Day 1 was actually pretty fun.... Baltimore Harbor is actually a pretty cool place too.... really not too much to report tho :)

Sometimes encouragement and reassurance can come from the last place that you would expect. I really can't elaborate on this right now (at least not on here) but God really is amazing.

In a deep way, I'm the person I that I cant stand. I'm self-centered and a hypocrit. I based my life around Tiff.... around being with her and both of us accomplishing many goals together. I based my life on her being the one there to support me.... Maybe because she was the first person that I saw that fit in my life that could actually be there for me. I screwed up.... and now, I'm paying because of it. Relationships were things that I always seemed to screw up.... Tiff was .... I dunno.... man.... As much as I loved her, I used her.... I used everyone. Its no wonder that I dont have any friends.... I mean, as far as material goes, I'll give to everyone and anyone.... but when it comes to emotions, I'm greedy.... and.... Man, I just screwed up so many people's lives.... because I needed to feel love from someone.... Outside of my family, I dont know that anyone has truly loved me.... not saying they dont, im saying that I never felt that.... and thats my fault.... I screwed up so badly and I dont know that I can fix anything. I'm here in VA and I'm happy with where I'm at. I've got a great job and I've got other companies that would hire me in a heart beat.... I've got so many contacts.... I'm part of a great church....

You think my life is set?

Not at all.... its falling apart.... and I'm trying to deny it. I'm emotionally coming apart and because of my selfishness, there is no one there to help....

ISPCON: Exhibitor Detail

Come visit me at booth #602 at ISP-Con this week in Baltimore.

Today wasnt a bad day.... but the highlight of my day was something that most would see as really nothing at all. That highlight was when Branson (my pastor's 3 year old son) saw me walking by him in the hall and yelled "Hey Bob" and proceeded to tell me about how all of the lights were off in the auditorium and no one can go in there.... we ended up having a conversation about such a thing.... It really made me smile. Kids have such pure hearts.... and honestly, its only the kids that I know will never hurt me.... The same way that I know Eli loves me and I love him....

If we all took a few moments each day to look back at our lives.... and look at where we are and what we do. Jesus said "Let the little children come unto Me" ... and He said that "this is the Kingdom of Heaven" .... but I dont think that those words of our Savior mean much to any of us .. at least not what they are supposed to mean.

For the first time in a long time I went to lunch with Kim and Becca.... and it was nice.... but I just sat there thinking about all of this... then they all started talking about such and such person is really getting close to this person and they might have found their husband/wife.... And of course, I just clammed up and felt that emotional pain of the lonliness that I still feel deep inside of me. Again, I just started thinking.... Where are we now? Why do we have so much pain? Not only do we not look to children for answers like we should, as Jesus directed us, but we dont pay attention to our children at all anymore. I live in an area where its not only the normal thing to not have mom and dad home with the children at all, but it's a required thing almost. Everyone here hires someone to raise their children... The motherly love that God instilled in each woman is all of a sudden not needed and if it shows up, it is only seen as something that takes away from their future. How do we get from children who trust and care without question and love unconditionally to adults where we are against everyone and have no care for humans what-so-ever?

Maybe I'm too traditional? But if hurting others is what is the trend, then I dont want to be trendy. Life is so much more than "getting ahead" ... life is about family and about serving God.... it is about people and not about jobs. Its not about what we own or how much money we have but its about how much we invest into the lives of others. I look at where I am right now with work and I see a group of companies that are going to go far... the reason for that is because they are not affraid to work together. Filling out some forms at the data center is tough for me with some tickets only because I dont know who to put the company name as.... One day I may be doing something for nLayer while the next I'm doing something for MFC... But that is the beauty of it... working together. Its about the people your around. So many companies dont care about their people or the companies next to them. I'm glad to be working with a group of people that span different companies that care not only about their employees but their neighoring company's employees.... its like a family... and that is what is going to get each one of these companies far... and I am happy to be a part of that.

I want to live my life as a child. I want to unconditionally care about people and I want people to know that I will always love them. I am thankful that I was blessed enough to have a mother that didnt forget about her motherly instinct that God gave her. A mother that focused on me and my sisters.... She wasnt perfect but I wouldnt have wanted a perfect mother.... I would have asked for my mom even if I had a choice in the matter. Maybe my parents fought alot.... but beyond that, they knew the importance of family.... My mom cared about me and still does care about me. I love her to death and I always will and I thank God that I have her as my mom.

Today I want to say to all of the mothers, happy mother's day and to ask them all to never hide the instinct that God gave them. It's not about getting a head or having a career... its about raising your children and loving them. It's not wrong to have a job, but it is wrong to put anything other than God above your children. To everyone who is not a mother, I want to say to them to be like children. Live your lives not concerned about anything because you have a Father that is going to meet your needs. Don't be worried about money -- the same as you werent worried about money as a child. Love everyone as if you were that 3 year old child again.

Taipei Times - Bush defends spying on Americans

Yaknow.... If I said I was happy at this moment, that would be a very large understatement.

So the first thing that happened is I was talking about BBSs in my LUG's IRC channel.... one thing led to another and Im going to start building a telnetable Renegade BBS.... Most of you that read this blog have no clue what I'm talking about but BBSs were popular before the Internet.... they were like local online communities. They were virutally my life back in middle school. Phone lines have gone away and the net has come and telnet may offer the perfect solution. Within a couple of hours I found space to host it, people found software that I needed and also I've come up with some hardware that is needed.... This is a really awesome project for me... something that I think I will have alot of fun with.

Then, I started talking to some more people and I've realized that I am in a group of some really incredible people. There are alot of people in this industry that I closely associate with that really appriciate me and that I really appriciate as well. There are some really great companies I am working with. While I work for MFC, I associate with many other companies as well... Defender Hosting, Pull the Plug, and nLayer. I have never met such an amazing group of people.... people that are absolutely up front and honest... very outstanding people.... not only are they genuinely good people that always treat you right but they are also VERY influential people in this industry.... primarily with routing and backbone/peering/transit. The amount of things that I am learning is incredible and the resources that are at my fingertips are great.... and I'm actually feeling that I bring alot to the table as well. Combine all of this with the association I am making through my church... the things that I am learning from working with my church... all of these things.... It is really great... and I really am happy. Really happy :)

At a diner down on Broadway they make small talk
When she brings his eggs and fills his coffee cup
He jokes about his love life
And tells her he's 'bout ready to give up
That's when she says,"I've been there before
Keep on lookin'
'Cause maybe who you're lookin' for is..."

Somebody in the next car
Somebody on the morning train
Somebody in the coffee shop
That you walk right by everyday
Somebody that you look at
But never really see
Somewhere out there is somebody

Across town in a crowded elevator
He can't forget the things that waitress said
He usually reads the paper
But today he reads a stranger's face instead
It's that blue-eyed girl
From two floors up
Maybe she's the one
Maybe he could fall in love with

Somebody in the next car
Somebody on the morning train
Somebody in the coffee shop
That you walk right by everyday
Somebody that you look at
But never really see
Somewhere out there
Is somebody

Now they laugh about the moment that it happened
A moment they'd both missed until that day
When he saw his future in her eyes
Instead of just another friendly face
And he wonders why
He searched so long
When she was always there at that diner waiting on

Somebody in the next car
Somebody on the morning train
Somebody in the coffee shop
That you walk right by everyday
Somebody that you look at
But never really see
Somewhere out there
Oh somewhere out there is somebody

"Somebody" by Reba McEntire

No Space for MySpace?

I am soooooo tired of hearing "What about the children?" .... This is just getting nuts!

So I just woke up less than 30 mins ago.... Today was the day my body decided was catch up on sleep day :)

Last night was a really great night. A bunch of us from a few different companies went to Beef O Brady's last night. It was great talking about different things.... Mainly, it was just great being able to hang out with some people.... Fun times.... and, as always when I get to spend some time with people, I went home in a good mood :)

Heading to my new place shortly to get the keys and such.... moving again... always a fun thing, but I am getting used to it :)

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Who's Your Type? - Find out here!

Your type is the hopeless romantic

Looking for a woman who swoons when you recite poetry? Goes limp over a bouquet of hand-picked wildflowers? The hopeless romantic is your girl. She loves soft music, candlelight, and long walks by the sea at sunset. She cries at weepy movies (her favourite genre) and has had her wedding planned since grammar school. She's looking for a deep relationship - a soul mate. She's a traditional girl you can open up to and talk to about your feelings, your past, and your hopes for the future. How to win her heart? Romance her. Send her flowers, surprise her with a picnic lunch, or go for a horse-drawn carriage ride. Before you know it, you and your girl will be creating a life-long love story.

Who's Your Type? - Find out here!

Its amazing how much being busy can affect you. Today I have a few things that I need to do but I have plenty of time to do them. Right now I'm sitting at DMV waiting to title my Samurai (yes its almost ready) which is usually a process of waiting for hours..... Usually I'm stressed here but I don't feel rushed at all and I'm more relaxed than I have been in a loooong time. I wish the world wasn't so busy.... The article I read a few weeks ago said how people in the UK are so much healthier than us Americans but yet they have poorer hygiene and eat less healthy than us (believe it or not). The answer is the way we work. On average, the US has the least amount of vacation and sick days than any other country. We work like crazy. If only somehow we could all just slow ourselves down -- we'd be much better off

Spammers: Big Mistake

Chantilly's Serenity Shattered - 1 officer dead

Just talking with a friend about these events. Yaknow, I think there was alot more crime in PA where I lived but down here, it seems like when something does happen, its a pre-meditated and huge issue.... not just a random drive by and stuff such as that. But then again, we're so close to the political center of the nation that it I guess pre-meditation makes sense. While they dont have a motive in this shooting, it sounds like something was planned that failed. For reference, Chantilly is where my church's office is.

Four police officers, one other hurt in shooting - Metropolitan - The Washington Times, America's Newspaper

Your Extroversion Profile:

Activity Level: High

Sociability: High

Cheerfulness: Medium

Excitement Seeking: Medium

Friendliness: Medium

Assertiveness: Low

How Extroverted Are You?

So I need more clothes and I figure that maybe I should actually make an attempt at going with something different than jeans and t-shirt..... Went to the mall today and started looking at stuff.... imagine me going into Old Navy to look for clothes.... and even Pacific Sunwear...... So I found a few things that I actually did like, however, the entire day only taught me one thing as I looked at price tag after price tag... It taught me why it is that I wear jeans and a t-shirt all the time. $40 for a pair of shorts or pants... wtf... There are some other things that I would wear but I just cant justify spending that much money... It's not worth it.... So I ended up buying a pair of gym shorts and shirt for when I do some cycling this summer (well, if I get a bike and I get over my laziness).... but that was about it.... I think another problem is that I dont have my sisters to do this shopping thing with.... I know right before I started at Lock Haven all 3 of us went to the mall and I actually bought quite a few things that were not jeans and t-shirt related.... but its obviously not something I can do without help....

So I know some people come to visit Northern VA and in certain scenarios in driving, they are unsure of what the proper thing to do is. In order to help those people out, every now and then I will post some pointers.

The situation: You just pulled out of a parking lot without looking both ways and after you are in the middle of the travel lane, you realize that you have pulled out in front of someone.

The solution: This is a very easy situation to handle. The first thing you must do is make sure you stop dead. After you have completely stopped in the middle of the travel lane, watch the back tires of the car coming at you. You should shortly see smoke as the car's tires lock up. Once the screeching has ceased, you should then, and ONLY then, honk your horn twice. Since you are a northern virginian, you must shift the blame onto the innocent party and honking your horn is the best way to make yourself feel better about the situation. Immediately following the honking of your horn, you shall then proceed where you were going and to make sure the situation has been turned to your favor, make sure you flip the person driving the other car off.

Andrew's blog: Not using FedEx anymore...

TV : Rachael Ray's Tasty Travels : Rachael Ray's Tasty Travels : Food Network

So I guess this is the show that they filmed us for.... Of course, it'll be a while.... but, yea, she's cute :)

Sometimes I think I'm in a downward spiral......

Today I went into DC with Jason and Jen and we went to the hollocaust museum.... it was really a good reminder of the things I saw when I was over in Germany and toured an actuall concentration camp.... The whole time going through it I just kept thinking why it is that I feel so horrible with the stuff that happens to me... I mean, it doesnt come close to what those people went through.... it doesnt come close to what Jesus did for me.... but yet, I feel so much pain... We then went to Old Ebbit Grill or something like that right across from the white house and it turns out Food Network was there doing a segment for Tasty Travels or something like that.... the film crew came over and specifically asked to film us eating, which they did right after we signed the waivers.... Yaknow, I actually really was having a good time there.... By this time we met up with Jason and Jen's friends who were also visiting DC from Pittsburgh and they were there with us. It really was a good time.... but then riding on the Metro back to Vienna I just ended up sitting there.... starting feeling really lonely.... I dont understand it.... I dont understand anything anymore... I'm getting to the point where I am starting to give up on alot of things... I dont know what to do.... Is this all because I hate being single? I really dont know. I mean, alot of it has to do with the fact that I dont get to hang out with people much.... and maybe thats why I was depressed riding back from DC.... not that I didnt enjoy my time with people but the knowing that it probably wont happen again for a very long time.... Maybe it was also that I was around 2 couples.... not that it bugs me being the fifth wheel.... but maybe it was subconcious? I just dont understand what it is that really has been getting to me.... I mean, I am hating being single more and more.... well, right now I am... I get to points where I'm ok with it.... but then it just lasts so long that I start getting discouraged again.... then you mix that with people giving up on me and people not wanting to be around me and, well, I just go nuts inside.... and I try to hide it which I guess is another bad thing.... but anytime I try to tell anyone how I feel, they are always there to push blame on me and make me feel even worse.... or sometimes it even creates a fight and I end up losing contact with that person.

Maybe someday I'll be happy.... Maybe someday I'll find her....

I guess the grapevine is a bad thing alot of the time.... While it is a serious situation with my Uncle, the good news is that things look alot better than I had initially though. I just left the hospital where I was visiting him and he really is in good spirits.... He's such a great guy! Just please keep him in your prayers as well as my family.

I should be headed back home to VA in about an hour or so.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Internet under Attack by Renegade Spammer; Blue Security Responds

My Uncle Ronny had his surgery on Monday and it went well.... they removed 12 inches of his colon.... and they took another test during the procedure.... He has been in the hospital and one big reason why I wanted to come up here to PA was to visit him.... My mom just told me about a half hour ago that I really need to make sure I do that. They found out today that the cancer is in his lymphnods and is in stage 3...... It doesnt look good :(

Please keep him in your prayers.... please keep my family in your prayers.... and if you have time, please keep me in your prayers. It seems like constant bad news after more bad news. I guess the good thing is I'll be going to see Eli in about an hour.... I'm sure he will cheer me up.

A short drama brought to you by Office 2007 which will have the newest and best user interface ever!

MICROSOFT: No, no, don't move to Linux, it is different and you will have to retrain everyone!

EVERYONE: But what about the new Office? It is totally different, and will require retraining everyone.

MICROSOFT: Well...Uh...that is...uh...maybe so, but at least it isn't Linux!

I decided I'm going to PA tonight.... My stress level is getting too high I think and I need a break.... way too much going on..... just need to get away.... I've been sick all day.... realized that I totally FORGOT about life group last night.... wasnt even a not feeling like I wanted to go... I completely forgot about it... and it didnt even dawn on me until someone asked me today how it was.... Was supposed to go to the doctors today but I ended up over sleeping 6 hours... The unfortunate thing is I'll probably have things that I need to do in PA.... but, well, I guess at least its not as much as is going on down here.... What I really need is to go somewhere other than PA or VA.... just somewhere far away from ALL of this..... even just for a few days.... but I cant afford that.... *sigh* I just really hope that I feel better.... I really feel sick right now :(

Mario - Live - Google Video

Mario - Live - Google Video