It is time for a change.
Over the past few weeks i have been recording and watching sermons and shows from Pastor John Hagee. I realized something.... well a few things..... very important. One revelation is that I may never marry Tiff. Why do I say this? Its not because I will give up or that she will.... it is because the Lord may not tarry any longer..... there may not be a tomorrow. instead of having my earthly bride in the next few years, I may have my heavenly bride. I am putting all i have into my relationship with tiff starting this hour. I am putting that effort forward but I am giving it all to God.
I am realizing now that I have been lukewarm for so long that i am becomming cold. It ends here. I need to put all I have into being all I can be for God.
I am about to write some things here that I never dreamed would ever end up in my blog. I know I must write these. I can not hide my sins any longer. Its like last weeks snack that you left under your bed. It starts to stink really bad. and then you uncover it and it stinks worse but its the only way to take care of the problem. I once went to Pastor Roy years ago and asked for prayer. His response shocked me but also was so grounded in God's plan. He said no way. He said "we are going to let this stink until you cant take it anymore" Well..... here I am. I cant take it anymore. It is Years later and here I am. I have a problem..... and by the grace of God I now say that I HAD a problem. Addiction to pornography and other sexual sins has kept me a slave and has kept me from being used by God the way that He wants to use me. I know that God has great plans for me. He is going to use me in an amazing way. There is a reason that I am living in VA now. There is a reason I work for Carpathia. There is a reason Tiff and I are working towards spending our lives together..... ALL of that has been hindered by disgusting things. Things that controlled my mind....... It has been hell dealing with this sexual stuff that has controlled me. so much so that about a month ago I gave up trying. You know what? Im still not gonna try. No way am I going to try anymore. I am going to hand it to God and be done with it. The gigs and gigs of pictures and videos are gone from my computer. It is over. In all of this I praise God that despite the control this had over me, I have kept my virginity. That is something I will give to Tiff on that special day, if the Lord tarrys.
"and now, I make my resolution" - The OC Supertones
Please continue to pray for me. Any God fearing person knows the enemy is going to attack me after taking a stand like this. I am going to need your prayers and support to stand strong.