I'm doing fine again..... the real problem seems to be that so many things that happened in the past to me whether it be from people in churches ive been to, ex girlfriends, family, etc..... all of the horrible things that have been done to be that I have put behind me are coming back to haunt me. The blunt of the problem is that everything is so perfect for me and Tiff that I am affraid that something bad is going to happen.... it's always happened before so why isnt it going to happen now? Some denominational beliefs previously have landed me in very ... well... lets just say that many people in my past instead of talking to me have lashed out against me..... There was a very serious confrontation at my church years and years ago that involved be and the missions board..... the Pastor of our church at that time stood up for me and defended me tooth and nail..... and things turned out ok.... but when you have any leader of the church attack you before finding out what is really going on... it hurts... and it was put behind me.... until today.... it crept back.... and a simple disagreement of beliefs which happens all the time and is completely normal turned into me flipping out because I was affraid I was about to be attacked and told again that I am a horrible person and a horrible Christian......

The truth is... I need help. I need some serious Christian counseling... and I am working on finding it. Right now, I am doing fine... this is turning into a great night. I sent Tiff an email that I hope she reads and responds to.... This night is turning out to be ok.... I feel fine.... no issues at all..... I just know that I need to get some help in dealing with these things in the past. In my heart I know that everything between me and Tiff is PERFECT... in my mind, I'm scared that its going to fall apart based ONLY on my past experiences.... Praise God that He gave me a girl that can understand I am struggling and be there for me even when I blow up and throw things in her face.... I could not ask for a more perfect girl..... Other than salvation, she is by far the best gift that God has ever given me.... and I treasure Tiff dearly....... no one ever was there for me like she has been.....