I think that I definately created some irreversible damage last night..... im not stable again. I guess I'm doing ok today so far but I know that I screwed up... and I cant change that. I really feel alone.... I was getting so close to God again... my relationship with Him was really growing... and then I get attacked and its like I cant pull out of it again. Yea, Im down again today... third day in a row.... last night was really bad.... I really was close to being suicidal again. I thought I was better.... maybe this is just a coincidence and things will be better in the next few days. I just could really use something happy in my life right now. The only interaction I ever have with people is when im working.... I cant live like that. I need people that I can hang out with... I just dont have that.... When I'm feeling down I have no one to call.... I cant just pick up the phone and call someone and say "hey, im really down" ... I just dont have that luxury.... yea, I have friends... Jim and Jason are good friends..... but they arent those people that I can just call..... sometimes its tough calling jason for something thats work related. He has a life.... im the only one who doesnt.... its just getting really rough.... I need friendships in my life.... really badly. I'd love to start hanging out with some girls... get to know them and stuff.... I need that.... but im too shy....