Wednesday, December 29, 2004

I think that I definately created some irreversible damage last night..... im not stable again. I guess I'm doing ok today so far but I know that I screwed up... and I cant change that. I really feel alone.... I was getting so close to God again... my relationship with Him was really growing... and then I get attacked and its like I cant pull out of it again. Yea, Im down again today... third day in a row.... last night was really bad.... I really was close to being suicidal again. I thought I was better.... maybe this is just a coincidence and things will be better in the next few days. I just could really use something happy in my life right now. The only interaction I ever have with people is when im working.... I cant live like that. I need people that I can hang out with... I just dont have that.... When I'm feeling down I have no one to call.... I cant just pick up the phone and call someone and say "hey, im really down" ... I just dont have that luxury.... yea, I have friends... Jim and Jason are good friends..... but they arent those people that I can just call..... sometimes its tough calling jason for something thats work related. He has a life.... im the only one who doesnt.... its just getting really rough.... I need friendships in my life.... really badly. I'd love to start hanging out with some girls... get to know them and stuff.... I need that.... but im too shy....

1 comment:

softballgurl said...

well bob, i dont know what to say.. i did this so i could write on here.. i wanted it to be quiet so you wouldnt know who it was but you will know after what i have to say.. sigh.. its not my business to read your journal so i guess i dumb for doing that but i really want you to know that i am here.. i really feel i am your friend thats suppose to be in your life.. but i dont know if your seeing that.. it hurts me.. you wont talk to me.. you barely IM me anymore.. so i just dont know.. you know how i feel.. i dont want to get into any trouble with your friends but truely bob please think about all i said.. it hurts to read that you dont have friends to call bob you know you can always call me.. ALWAYS.. i dont know what happened to that.. i dont know if i did it or what.. but dont worry b/c i wont be updating this thing.. i just got one so i could leave you a message please bob dont ever take your life away... god is always with you.. always.. he will never leave your nor forsake you.. i hope that you listen to this.. and that you will think.. but i dont want to cause trouble.. i have told you how i felt and everything so i am going to go.. keep your head up.. <><