Well I just now woke up.... after sleeping all evening. I ended up in the hospital... during church I experienced a "panic attack" and of course this led to more pressure because I knew the first thing I was going to here is "its because of tiff" .... and sure enough, no more than a half hour after it started I was asked "is it because of tiff.." ... All I have to say is DAMNIT PEOPLE! Turns out it wasnt exactly a bad panic attack... It was constrodendatis or something like that. My chest was inflamed for some reason and was pushing against the cartlidge... and still it. My chest still hurts. Tiff being here this weekend was the best thing for me... but of course some people will never see that... to those people I say screw you!

They gave me 1mg of Xanax in the hospital... after I took .25 (or maybe .5) so I was completely knocked out... I slept a while in the hospital while they checked out my test results and stuff. They said that a small panic attack may have brought it on but thats been fairly normal for me recently. Thanks to someone who has not felt like scheduling me to see a psychiatrist. At this point I'm done taking my Remeron.... I'm not one to just stop taking a medicine but I am grabbing at all kinds of straws here... that medicine, whether it was helping or not, was destroying my life. Just making me tired and stuff which didnt allow me to do anything... never felt like it.... just stupid stuff...

For those of you looking for scape-goats because you cant accept that there is just something wrong with me, dont look to Tiff. TIff helped me more than anything this weekend so I dont want to hear it. Look to other situations in my life... like my aunt, jobs, lack of friends to do stuff with... just look elsewhere.

Well I just made some food so I'm going to go eat.... thanks again to those people that prayed with me and not against me. The people who saw tiff as being a possible benefit where right so far and I thank you guys so much for keeping an open mind. Now hopefully I'll be able to lay down for a few more hours and then go get my car which is still at church (since dad had to drive me to the ER).