I completely dont understand what I am going through.... I cried for so long today... part of that was on my mom's shoulder. I have so much emotional pain in me right now its not even funny. The weekend was pretty good... I had alot of good times.... I dont understand why when I got home I just bawled.... maybe because it was over? I really dont know. Tonight at work I was like a zombie... just totally out of it... not myself at all.....

In so many ways I know what is supposed to happen..... and I guess in those ways I dont understand why it just doesnt. Then I remember that God IS in control and they dont happen that way because He doesnt want them to yet.... I just dont understand that..... I dont understand why He doesnt just make me happy..... tho I'm not Him, its still hard to understand.

I am a hurting person right now.... its not because of any event, anything, or anyone. There are plenty of things in my own life that very well could be causing me problems.... This is a tough time for me... lots of decissions being made... life changing ones.... and all this during medicine changes and healing relationships.... its all alot on me right now....

I am going to go get ready for bed... but there is one thing I want to say here.... something that I havent said in a long while if I did at all.... Tiff is the most beautiful person in the world... both inside and outside. She has done so much.... and is so strong for what she is going through right now. Its like her world is collapsing around here... yet she's still here. She cries like I do... she wants to give up at times like I do.... but she keeps on going. I am proud to call her my friend. I only pray we continue to grow closer together.

Goodnight....