Sometimes I wish my personality and my morals would let me slack off every now and then. In most cases its a good thing that I am like this but it seems that I'm always abused because of it. At Carpathia, a lot of my frustrations have been cleared up or are being cleared up.... But I still bust my butt for this company more than I should have to. My salary nowhere near matches the amount of work that I do. This industry really requires the extra mile.... You may be in a situation where an important server is down and you have to work 3 days straight (72+ hours) until it is resolved... That is the industry. Abuse is when you have to work like this all the time for just day to day stuff. I am already working well above 100% but instead of being thanked for this effort, I'm only looked at as someone who will go above the call of duty and therefore it becomes expected of me. We add more and more huge customers yet we add no one to assist in taking care of those customers. As a result, it all falls on me. But what do I do? Well... I be myself and respond and just push myself more and more until I literally have drained every ounce of who Bob is.... then I push harder still and I eventually collapse. Seeing this repeat again I am starting to realize some things. I have been told some horrible things and have been critcized time and time again from friends and family because I expect things to be handed to me.... But the more I realize who I am, the more I realize that the problem is just the opposite. It is that I work hard... Very hard.... But I work for others and not myself at all... And this leaves me in a struggle that seems like I am looking for an easy way out but in reality, I am only looking for rest and relief from the part of me that will never give up.

I am who I am. This is who God made me. And He will lead me to where I need to be. Until He provides that rest that I so greatly need, I will give Carpathia not only the 150% I have been give but the 200% that is now required. God said that in all things I should honor Him. This means I need to behave like I am His child and keep pushing.... And it means I need to do that with or without respect. Someday God will bless me for this and give me the relief that I need. I can hope its soon, but all I can do is wait for His direction.