Im on my way out of lock haven for probably the last time.... monday or tuesday i go back to leesburg.. tiff is already in dubois..... so starts another very painful summer.....

i dont want to go through this summer. will i make it... sure i will.... but i dont want to have to endure it... i dont want this summer to start.....

so far im a half hour out of lh and the whole trip has been tears.... depression has taken quite a hold on me... i dont want to deal with this summer.

im in pain... more emotional pain than you can even imagine. last night my heart was crushed... i had been hurt more than i had in a long time. what so many people would be grateful for some things but.... well.... i want to express myself but all i do is create pain.... instead of thanks i get... sigh.... i just want things to be different..... but they arent gonna be... no matter what i decide ill be in pain.

i just dont want this summer to come but it is already upon me. i have entered my state of mere existance.....