I thought maybe a good nights rest and maybe keeping myself busy would help....

... nah

I'm still an emotional wreck... I think im still functioning ok... anyone around me probably has no clue how bad I really am.... but I'm sure its gonna catch up on me.... the last two days have emotionally worn me out... Friday night killed me.... yesterday was great seeing my sweetheart graduate but... it also was the beginning of what could be the worst summer of my life.... Tiff's with her parents and ... well, I know she say.... ahh.... just nevermind.... Everything is always better if I just keep my mouth shut and not let anyone know how I really feel.....

So this is day 3 of complete emotional distress.... I really have not felt this sad in a long time.... Probably has been back in 1999 when I was moving to FL.... I have cried myself to sleep the last two nights.... I have not had this many tears shed in a long time.... having to sneak out of certain places just so I can cry because I just cant hold back the tears anymore.... and its hard that you cant just cry anywhere.... its been hard holding it back when ive been in those situations....

What scares me the most? I have no desire for anything anymore.... not looking forward to anything... nothing really to look forward to.... There is just no desire anymore... nothing to motivate me for anything....