about a half hour until 2007..... Lisa and I sit here waiting for it...... I had figured that I would just go to bed but Law and Order occupied the time so I might as well watch the ball drop, shed my first tears of 2007, pray that the year brings someone special in my life, and head to bed.

So this will most likely be my last post for 2006. Happy New Year! Hope yours is better than mine.

Arrrrgggghhhhhh!

Thats all to be said.....

first of all.... Hyundai Elantras are absolutely great cars and you should buy one.... but when you do, buy an extra set of headlights for both high and low beams and keep them in your car at all time. They WILL blow out both at the same time and they WILL leave you stranded. I suggest doing drills of changing headlights because, well, you never know when the emergency will hit you. And I also suggest that you not attempt to "make it home" on high beams when you are in this great commonwealth of Virginia.... the cops WILL find you.... and they WILL pull you over.... by God's grace I somehow didnt get a citation.... just got yelled at a good bit.

Oh, and dont even think about relying on Wal Mart for the headlights you need.... I had someone take to me to Wal Mart to get new bulbs and they didnt have any in stock.... OF ALL 4 FREAKING BRANDS THAT THEY CARRY!

Then..... add to it tiff drama that just somehow finds me.... I havent talked to the girl and have no desire to talk to the girl but yet the drama finds a way to get me.... I had a box of stuff that I kept that was my "memories" of Tiff..... last week I shipped the entire box to her because I have no interest anymore.... yet, no matter how hard I try to stay away from all that crap, it finds me.... and its getting irritating...... I just want that whole era of my life to be erased... I want to have no memory of her.... but that's all just wishful thinking.

tonight I decided to stay at the data center later and just nto work my 2 hour shift tomorrow morning..... I need a vacation.... a long one.... not just an extended holiday weekend.

*sigh*

AACS DRM (HD-DVD/Blu-Ray) Cracked

Well, that didnt take long!

Hello again
Your words they make me smile
As I drift away
In my little room upstairs

Oh I spend my nights
Imagining your face your touch
Then I realize
How I don't even know your name

If we could share our time
Would I disappoint your fantasies
I believe that you could be the one I'm needing
'cause I'm

only lonely on the inside
didn't mean to take away your dreams
only lonely on the inside
when you close your eyes to your deepest thoughts

I could start to give apologies
For all the stupid things That I will say and I will do
If we should ever cross the same place at the same time
Would your world skip a beat 'cause it was me

If we could share our life
Would I disappoint your memories
I believe that I could be the one your needing
And I'm

CHORUS

If I could give back your hopes your joys your treasures
Don't you think that I would change my world
But there's so many things trying to pull us together
Even though we're far apart I can still watch you walk away

Only lonely on the inside
Didn't mean to take away your dreams
Only lonely on the inside
When you close your eyes do you see me

"Only Lonely" by Hootie and the Blowfish

You don't know how it tastes until you try.
You don't know how to laugh till you cry.
You don't know where you've been till you're homeward bound,
And you don't know what you've lost until it's found.

(Yodel)

Once I thought the world was made for me.
Once I thought experience was free.
Never knew you'd have to pay the price,
Then I found you sometimes pay it twice.

You don't know how it tastes until you try.
You don't know how to laugh until you cry.
You don't know where you've been until you're homeward bound,
And you don't know what you've lost until it's found.

(Yodel)

Now I've done some living and I know,
Everything you gain is bound to go.
Then one day my luck just turned around.
The thing I loved and lost is lost and found.

You don't know how it tastes until you try.
You don't know how to laugh until you cry.
You don't know where you've been until you're homeward bound,
And you don't know what you've lost until it's found.

You don't know how it tastes until you try.
You don't know how to laugh until you cry.
You don't know where you've been until you're homeward bound,
And you don't know what you've lost until it's found.

"Lost and Found" from Fraggle Rock Episode 4 "You Can't Do That Without a Hat"

(Yodel)

Earlier this fall I was told by someone that I was the best birthday present ever.... I can only hope that someday someone becomes the best Christmas or birthday present to me.

Every year that goes by I seem to dislike Christmas more and more..... I love decorating and I love Christmas lights but I wonder if that is just me trying to force myself to like something that I just dont like anymore.... There just isnt any excitement in it anymore. Maybe someday if I ever have a wife and kids it will become more again.... but for now, Im content with just me and Lisa hanging out.... Truth be told, I think I could have probably had the same Christmas experience staying in VA rather than coming up here to PA.

My brakes are on fire
From trying to slow down
I'm always burning my tires
And my horn is to loud
I catch people looking funny at me
When I step to the window and I toss a TV
Sometimes I get crazy and it makes a big scene
But when I hit 21 I wanna stand up and scream
I'm filthy rich with laughter, I'm too big for the room
You know from two stories up
A Zenith makes a big boom
It's hard to get around in a six foot town
When your ten feet tall everything is so small
I'm always bumping my head
I'm way to long for the bed
It's hard to get around
In a six foot town.
Some people live inside a tiny little box
Their preoccupied about mismatching their socks
I never been one to worry about much
I just wanna laugh and love
I just wanna live it up
It's hard to get around in a six foot town
When your ten feet tall everything is so small
I'm always bumping my head
I'm way to long for the bed
It's hard to get around
In a six foot town.
Sometimes I stumble just because of my size
But hey y'all that's alright
That's the way God made me
I am what I am
And I can't do nothing bout that
It's hard to get around in a six foot town
When your ten feet tall everything is so small
I'm always bumping my head
I'm way to long for the bed
It's hard to get around
It's hard to get around in a six foot town
When your ten feet tall everything is so small
I'm always bumping my head
I'm way to long for the bed
It's hard to get around
In a six foot town

"Six Foot Town" by Big & Rich

Why is it that the closer we get to Christmas, the more "blah" I
feel.... Just seems like everything is frustrating me.... And then
there is UPS to top it all off.... I will begin making a conscious
effort never to use UPS again which includes shopping from merchants who
ship via DHL, USPS, or FedEx..... When you're waiting for a Christmas
present to arrive so that you can ship it to someone else and you then
find out that UPS decided to keep it in the distro center right across
the street for 4 days without telling anyone, well, yea, you'd be kinda
pissed too.

So I really like DeLorme Street Atlas for use with my GPS but I didnt see any information regarding an OSX version of the software so I emailed them asking them if they had any plans to support Macintosh computers. This was the response I got:

Dear Bob:

Thank you for your e-mail. At this time DeLorme does now support the new Intel-based Macintosh computers running Boot Camp for Windows XP. We do not support any other Macintosh operating system or Parallels.

ALLEN G

DELORME DIRECT SALES


This has to be one of the worst cop outs I've seen in a while. This was my response:


That is hardly "Macintosh compatible" and anyone who understands what Boot Camp is would also understand that you can run basically any Windows app that way.

My question was if you had any plans to build a *native* OSX application?

Thanks,
Bob

I so often wish that I could understand more about the human mind and why people do what they do.... why do they believe that doing that opposite of what they should do is the best option? What drives us to lie and to hurt others?

A few hours ago I was really taken back by what I experienced. It boggles my mind that some people can do all they can to try to convince you that they care about you, but yet everything else they do or say seems to contradict what was told before. Worse yet, I can not understand why you can be an ignored and unimportant person but all of a sudden you make a mistake and next thing you know, you're the only thing that matters -- in a negative sense, of course.

It seems that the entire human race is becoming so much more self centered than I think our ancestors could have even dreamed of. Everything is someone else's fault... and we are becoming experts at convincing ourselves that it's not our fault. Quite honestly, I have been developing that ability and I hate it..... well, when I am thinking rationally, I hate it.

Why are people in debt? Well, it's because credit card companies give them more credit than they can handle, right? I mean, it should be everyone else's responsibility to give them guidelines and know what's best for them.... but dont you DARE tell them what they can and can't do.... that is, of course, discrimination.

At work last week I was talking to someone who was explaining why she really enjoyed working with a certain person. It wasn't because he was a perfect person.... it was because when he made a mistake, he owned up to it. It was honesty that got him to where he is and the friendships he has may or may not be plentiful, but they are meaningful.... because everyone knows that they can fully trust him.

I think the most comforting feeling in the world is knowing that you can trust someone and knowing that someone trusts you. I don't think there is anything better than that aside from the Love that God gives us. Maybe that's why so many people get aggrivated when they are micro-managed. I don't think it's so much that they don't want leadership in their lives as it is that they don't feel trusted to make the right decissions.... and if you aren't trusted, how can you really excel at what you are doing.

Something that God really spoke to me a few days ago I think really applies here. We think of what Jesus went through.... the pain He went through when He was nailed to that cross. It is a physical pain that I don't think any of us could even imagine.... but there is something deeper that I think people miss the boat on so often. Jesus took the sins of the world upon him. Jesus was spit on and laughed at. People mocked him all over the place. I've always said that I would rather have horrible physical pain than a little emotional pain.... think of Jesus in this light and try to imagine what He went through. I can't. And what I can imagine, hurts like hell. Imagine the people that lied to Him and emotionally abused Him. Think of all this and then ask yourself if God really understands how you feel.

It's so hard when people don't tell you what they mean but one thing I have realized is that you can almost always tell what someone is truly feeling if you pay enough attention to them. We've calloused ourselves into hiding the pains that we experience.... sure it means that we can endure more, but all it means is that our hearts become hard and untouchable.... It may sound like a good thing, but it's the complete opposite of what we were created for. Love is the center of everything but yet it's the farthest thing from our minds and even our hearts.

We've got to stop looking at others and what they do wrong and start realizing that we all sin and we all make mistakes. Instead of becoming defensive, we need to let others in so that we can all live happily. We're meant to be around people and we're meant to help one another. So why would we tell someone something and then not listen to what they have to say back? I think in most cases, we're just afraid of what they are going to say.... more so, we're afraid that they might actually say something and be right -- and all we want is to be angry with them

It amazes me how it seems that a large ratio of Christians are alot ruder than non-Christians. I have been a member of CPLUG (Central PA Linux User Group - http://cs.uninetsolutions.com/) for over a year now and the members are some of the nicest people in the world and are always willing to help you out. No matter how dumb of a question, no one belittles you -- but, sure, they'll make fun of you, in good fun.

So a few months ago I found this other Linux Group (CS-FLUG - http://cs.uninetsolutions.com/)that is a collection of Christians who want to talk about Linux and open source and how it relates to the Church. I'll tell you, that no matter what I have posted to that group, I have basically always had a rude response back. My first post got a very quick response scorning me for top posting, yet others do it just fine.... and my last post was something that I was wrong about but instead of someone actually pointing out my mistake, they reply with a rude one-liner. Needless to say, I unsubscribed tonight.

And then other Christians ask me why I like to hang out with non-Christians more than fellow Christians.....

"Statistics show 80% of marriages end because of divorce"
-Brett Andrews, New Life Christian Church, Dulles Campus 12/17/06

:)

10 years of driving and I have never hit a sobriety check point.... so the one night I go to a party and drink alot, guess what happens?

What? Soda! my goodness.... i just drank alot of soda and had to pee and really didnt feel like sitting in line.... and it was a church party.... where is your mind?

:)

Today was an incredibly great day.... the New Life staff Christmas party was tonight.... and of course I was the last person to leave and get lost and end up at a checkpoint..... it really was a great night... I really enjoy the New Life staffers....

Im going to bed... poor Lisa was alone all day and I didnt even get to play with her in the morning like I usually do so I want to get up early and spend some time with her.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Tonight is the first in a while that I have had trouble falling asleep... Ive been thinking about a few things and Im gonna try to get them out.

I think its safe to say that just about every day we face fears and every day we have to decide whether we win or our fears win... and its so much easier to let our fears win. I think its our instinct to run from trouble and from our problems... its easier to lie to ourselves than to face our fears... and then we condition ourselves so that the only options we see are the options that involve lying.... we start the ball rolling down the hill and we end up out of control.... once that happens. its then even easier to just let go and let the mess continue. I mean, have you ever tried to stop a rolling snowball that is 10 times your size.... we eventually look around and realize the mess that we have created and I guess we may feel overwhelmed... so we just give up all together? Maybe this is why there are so many suicides now?

I think back over the last few years of my life. I thank God that He has really got me to a place where I can really face fears and put my faith in Him.... but yet, there are still many things that end up snowballing for me. I let my gaurd down for less than a few seconds and next thing I know I am trapped in a world of addictions. I guess my fear is that Ill never be free.

The point is that we really need to overcome our fears. There is so much excitement when we do.... and so much more freedom. Even at work I sometimes feel trapped because of my fear of mice... and I am working on it.... but the fact that I am now able to stand next to the small animal pens and see how many mice we have.... well, it makes me feel good. Its a huge accomplishment to me.

Whatever our fears are, we need to work at overcomming them. Maybe its the fear of riding a roller coaster... and you get on and have the ride of your life. Maybe its a fear of breaking something but you try to fix it anyway and you gain a skill that helps you in life..... maybe something you feel like you should do for someone but your affraid of the reaction and you do it anyway and see a smile that warms your heart.... maybe you see the girl of your dreams and you overcome your shyness and end up happily married..... maybe its just reaching out to someone you lost touch with or a relationship that turned sour and you remember what they meant to you and the joy they brought you.

I do believe that God gave us mountains so that we could learn how to climb.

Did anyone else ever just wonder who talks about you and backstabs you? Or even just wonder what people think about you?

To me, it honestly doesnt matter what people think of me, but it doesnt mean that I'm not curious. The only thought that bugs me is that I offend someone and that person doesnt tell me that I offended them so that I can make it right. I guess it all goes back to the honesty thing.... We destroy ourselves by not being honest -- and we destroy those around us.... and even the thought that someone may be lying because you can't trust them can be tough.

There really hasnt been too much on my mind recently. I've really been content recently and really happy with the way things are. I do still wonder exactly where God is taking me but I guess I'll find out when I get there. I am really loving my job at Fox Mill Pets.... sure, I've hit those frustrations that every job has but it's so much more rewarding than the tech field.

So as you can probably tell, I decorated my blog for Christmas. I really do love this season... I love Christmas tress and the like..... shocked my roomies when they came home and found 3 Christmas tress.... but hey, thats life, right? :) There honestly isn't too much that I want for Christmas.... well, I mean, I have my wish but there certainly aren't any girls around that have an interest in making that wish come true....

Well, I'm gonna spend at least a little bit of time here with Lisa and get myself to bed early.... I've not been getting as much sleep as I should recently..... plus I open Fox Mill tomorrow so I need to be up early.

I am so going to be the father that panics about everything. Night thrashing is a somewhat common thing for cockatiels but tonight was the first time Lisa did it and it scared the crap out of me.

anyway... back to trying to sleep....

Man have I had better days :(

I know not many people that would be reading this follow tech much but I wanted to put the Kim family in my thoughts and prayers here anyway. James Kim was the editor in chief at CNet, a company responsible for a lot of the podcasts I listen to as well as the operator of many popular websites.

James Kim and his family were traveling when they became stranded. James built a fire for his family and then set off for help. Earlier this week the family was found and the search continued for James. On Wednesday, James' body was found just miles from shelter.

"In my eyes, as a father, and in the eyes of his family, he is a true hero. He took the difficult but at the same time easy decision to risk his life to save the lives of those he loved the most...Rest in peace, brave man."
--CNET reader

CNET's James Kim: 1971-2006

Lisa is almost as much of a geek as I am :)
Believe it or not, this is her favorite place to be......

It's snowing! :)
It may be just flurries but it counts...... strange thing is that last night I was walking around outside without a jacket.

I just hope I get to ski a decent bit this year

Every now and then I read back over some of my posts and I was just noticing how I mention Tiff at random times and some of those posts seem like I am trying to attack her. I just want to try and set things clear on that.

Tiff was, obviously, a very big part of my life.... and I do still care about her and I always will. This does not mean that I want to pursue a relationship with her again, and actually, I don't know that a friendship is even something that I would want at this moment. But since she was such a huge part of my life for such a long time the entire relationship was one lesson after another.

Nothing that I say is meant to put her down. I truly do wish her and Jason the best and I hope things work out well for them. I don't want to put any more stress on them than I know they already have. On the other hand, there were a lot of lessons that I learned in that relationship and lessons that I am still learning. I use the relationship Tiff and I had as examples to both myself and to anyone else that they may be helpful to.

As humans, we all make mistakes.... one after another. The only way that we can really thrive at life is to learn from our mistakes and to learn from the mistakes of others. This is why I think it is important to share things that some people think shouldn't be shared. If I screwed up somewhere and I admit it then I am not keeping any secrets, I can be held accountable for the future, and someone else can learn.

All of us are part of the same world and we need to begin accepting each other for who they are and we need to quit feeling like we need to hide who we truly are.

Three real life scenarios that are all the exact same thing.

First: A high school teacher who has her own shortcomings gives one of her students a retest... and another... and so on. She believes this student is capable of more and she wont stop giving him chances until he either passes or he gives up. As a student, you're sick of working towards it.... you actually want her to quit giving you chances so you can just take the failing grade and move on.

Second: When the issues started arising with Tiff I started having a really hard time trusting her but yet I believed that she had it in her to be honest .... So while I may have known something I still asked her the question.... I wanted her to tell me the truth so that I could reaffirm the belief that she had an honest heart. I wanted to hear the truth so that I could begin trusting her again.... but every lie -- even the little "white" ones just frustrated both of us in the long run. I was a person who had alot of his own problems but had a belief about someone and put faith in someone doing the right thing. Ultimately, I was let down when Tiff gave up and felt more comfortable lying than actually caring about the truth.

Those are just faliable humans having faith in another faliable human.... but the third is how God feels about us. He knows us and knows what we are capable of and He gives us retest after retest until we pass. The same way that the student became annoyed by the teacher and Tiff became annoyed by me, we often become annoyed with God. But see, God is not faliable. And to think that He still believes we are capable of something great is pretty incredible.

I am really glad that in the Bible we can see that even the great heroes were perpetually confused. Trying to understand this life is tough and trying to understand people is even more confusing. I am also really glad that in Christ, I have a direction.... whether I know what that direction is or not.

I am realizing how much I unintentionally annoyed people. Over the last 10 years of my life I have had many people really hurt me emotionally but the problem was that I let that ruin the few friends that were actually not hurting me. The problem was I was so consumed by my pain that I brought everyone else down.

So I am realizing this all now because I am on the other end of the spectrum. I am surrounded by people that are looking for something that I cant provide and they bring me down in the process. The worst part is that some of these people really make me feel uncomfortable.... some people use what I do have to offer as an excuse not to get better.... so then I am stuck in my own personality flaw of not being able to help someone and beating myself up over it..... so what do I do? I hate the fact that I cant help... but additionally I am affraid that the people who are now what I was will pull me back to that time of my life.... and thats just not good for anyone.

We were talking together
I said, "What's up with this weather?"
Don't know whether or not
How sad I just got
Was of my own volition
Or if I'm just missing the sun
And tomorrow, I know
Will be rainy at best
And the forecast, I know
Is that I'll be depressed
But I'll wait outside
Hoping that I'll catch sight of the sun
Because on and off
The clouds have fought for control over the sky
And lately, the weather has been so bi-polar
And consequently, so have I

But now I'm sunny with a high of 75
Since You took my heavy heart, and made it light
And it's funny how you find you enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive

And the temprature's freezing
And then, after dark
There's a cold front sweeping
In over my heart
And we might break up
If I don't wake up to the sun

Because on and off
The clouds have fought for control over the sky
And lately, the weather has been so bi-polar
And consequently, so have I

And now I'm sunny with a high of 75
Since You took my heavy heart, and made it light
And it's funny how you find you enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive

Sunny with a high of 75
Since You took my heavy heart, and made it light (Made it light)
And it's funny how you find you enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive

"High of 75" lyrics / Relient K