Im posting this on my blog, sending it to friends, and some staff at New Life because I believe that everyone is, in some way, involved in the things God is doing in general and in my life. It is my hope that everyone would be encouraged by this email and that everyone would please lift me up in prayer.
Some of you are aware that I am looking for where God wants me as far as work and as far as what extent God has called me to ministry. I have felt a strong calling to be someone that God uses to support those who are fulfilling the great commission and not so much being the one that is "going into all the world." That is not to say that I will never reach someone directly. Recently things have been arising that have really made me question what I am supposed to do. It hasnt been that something is wrong like there was when I needed to leave Carpathia.... its more like something just doesnt "fit" right.
I have, frequently, been put in positions where God just wanted me to trust Him - no matter how things looked around me. It is something that I try my best to encourage those around me to do. I think it is one of the most important things in living life as a follower of Christ. Perhaps I have recently been ignoring this fact and the truth is that I am in the midst of one of the biggest leaps that I have ever had to take.
I know that things need to change. Some of you may have picked up on this when I said that I started working at the pet store. The problem that I have been facing is finding a way to have an income that would support my expenses. So far, nothing has opened up that meets this requirement and I have been reorganizing my thoughts and backtracking on decissions I have made - out of desperation. I believe that I may have only been delaying the inevitable - that I need to trust that God is waiting at the bottom of the canyon, ready to catch me, whether I can see Him or not. I guess that it's not a real test of faith if you can actually see God there.
Either way, I am at a deadline. Decissions have to be made and they have to be made abruptly. I can not keep delaying this any longer. For a while I had thought there was no other option but to drastically cut back on my volunteer time at New Life.... but then I remembered that that wasn't an option. God has been doing amazing things at New Life and it is where He wants me right now. As a result, I need to keep what I am doing there active and cut back on what I do in corporate america. That does mean that I will have a drastic cut in salary... right now it looks like my income is about to be less than half and I have to say I am scared because that amount is well below what you need to live in Northern Va. But the God I serve is stronger than this and He told us all that if He takes care of the birds in the sky that He would take care all of His children. He has never failed me before so all I can do is jump and believe that He will carry me and provide for my needs.
Here I am again, needing to make a decission that is completely illogical and, depending on how you look at it, irresponsible. I have no other option.... well, I could not follow God but, well, that isnt an option, is it?
I want to thank all of you for supporting me, and above all, praying for me. I pray that someday people will look back at my life and the struggles I have had and they will be ministered to. I guess we will see what happens.