One thing is very certain.... I am able to control anger and frustration a lot better than compared to 8 years ago. It was a well known fact that the amber situation destroyed me. I was crushed inside and as a result crushed anything in site at times. Ripping the light off my room wall... Putting holes in the wall.... And coming very close to suicide. That incident is in the past now but was always the most pain that I ever went through. That is until now. I try to hide this so much because I don't want anyone to know... But the truth is.... Losing tiff is still the hardest thing I ever felt. It still has me crushed inside... Even tho I have such a great girl now... I am still crushed. This tiff thing is the most pain I ever felt. I have matured though because all the lights in my room are still attached. Just because I am not acting like I did with the amber thing does not mean this doesn't hurt more. I'm in a lot of emotional pain. Tanya and eli help without knowing it but I can't put this on her. She has a lot of issues.... I usually end up taking on those... I can't put mine on her. This hurts... I miss tiff a lot. We will never be together again because of what she did to me.... Not once but twice.... But it doesn't mean I don't miss who was the greatest girl that ever walked in to my life.