Sunday, May 16, 2004

Last night I had yet another Tiff-related dream. This one took on a new twist, however. Somehow Tanya and I were at a store and we ran into Tiff. Tiff and I talked for a few mins and we both connected again. We looked deep into each other's eyes... we were ready to kiss... and we both knew we were back together again. I was very happy. I couldnt believe that my dreams were coming true again.... but then she said something. I cant remember the word for word of what she said but she denied that she did anything wrong. She wouldnt take any blame for what happened. Basically she said that it was not her that threw it away. At that moment I looked at Tanya and said "lets go" ... and we left..... I walked away from Tiff again.

Now who is Tanya? Tanya is quickly becoming a very good friend of mine. Her and her almost 4 year old boy, Eli. Over the last week I have spent alot of time with them... and I have enjoyed every moment of it. Tanya has been going through alot of the same stuff that I have. Her ex-husband Chris did very similar stuff to her that Tiff did to me. Its become a very nice release for both of us. We enjoy our time together, talk about our problems, and we have fun doing it. Where is this going? Dont ask that yet.... I dont know. Truth is, im not over Tiff.... the other truth is that Tanya is not over Chris. Im just going to put this in God's hands. I dont know where it will end up.... I actually have to see what Tiff will do in the next few weeks. She has called my mom a couple times. I guess this is just her time to show me how much I meant to her.... I'm not expecting much tho.... Im feeling stronger and stronger each day that Tiff never really did love me. When you love someone you sometimes do put them through pain..... but not what she did to me. And especially not multiple times.

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