In some strange way, I'm relaxed right now.... yet, at the same time, I somehow feel frustrated as well... I guess I'm just hitting the point again that I start to feel like I am really all alone in this world.... I have a lot to offer and I really believe that I am a great person to some people.... but I'm only great until someone or something else comes along... Then I'm only a great person when I have something to offer someone and at the same time people interpret me as not needing emotional support... and not needing to be asked how things are going.... someone who doesn't need to have a shoulder to cry on both tangibly and intangibly....

I think some of it I probably am bringing on myself... I mean, I'm not the great person in the world... I have my share of sin and I guess to be honest, I don't deserve to live... thankfully, God's Grace covered that.... but I just have to wonder when (if ever) I will find that one person that I will know that I can fully trust to always care for me and that I will have the same ability to care for that person.... not just to be someone who is a great person until the next greatest thing comes but I want to be someone who is great in the eyes of someone else that no one greater can come along....

But then again, I'm setting the standards for myself too high, I guess... I'm not a perfect person so what do I have that would make me greater than anyone else in someone's eyes?

With all those things on my mind, I don't understand how I still feel pretty relaxed... maybe it's because my physical body isn't giving me an option but to relax... these last few days have consumed quite a bit of me....