"Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart, or its flame burns low." - Henry Ward Beecher
Tonight we were watching House and Lisa was hanging out on the back of the couch where she likes to be so she can look at everything going on.... tonight she did something that really made me smile.... after being on the back of the couch for a while she crawled down to sit on my shoulder.... which wasn't an easy task for her but she really wanted to be on my shoulder. Not only was it really cool that she wanted to be on my shoulder but that it was something she wanted bad enough to actually work for.
Recently I have really been thinking about a lot of things.... ok, well, I am always thinking about things... but specifically I have been thinking about relationships. Relationships aren't easy and I believe they are designed that way because if everything was easy, we'd have no way of showing what we truly desire. If the slightest bump comes along in a relationship and someone just gives up, then it wasn't a relationship that they truly desired.... If a relationship really is worth something to you, then the hardest struggle that comes along can not keep you from fighting for what you truly desire..... If someone is worth enough to you, then you do all you can to be with that person. You do this because they are something that you truly want.
Love can not be just a breeze because if it is, then there really is no point to it. You can't love someone without truly wanting to be with them or talk to them or at least do something to help them... there is always a want or a desire before love can be born... if you have love without a want or a desire, then it's most likely just a passing thing. You want someone because they have something to offer.... and in the most amazing relationships they have something that only you want.... something that sometimes can't even be explained.
Recently my struggle has been with what it is that I have to offer someone. I love my job for a reason -- because I have knowledge of fish to offer to people. I talk to people every day about what is the best tank set up and what is best for their fish.... And people tell me they come back to our store because they can tell there is a passion behind what I tell them.... and they are right because I do have a real passion for fish. I also have a passion for seeing new technology implemented for people who are really helping others.... and I guess that's why one of the most important things I do is something I do for free -- volunteer at New Life. It's a passion of mine because I know that I am helping people that are really out there ministering to people that are hurting.
But you ask what the struggle is? Simply -- what do I have to offer anyone in a relationship? People can tell me all they want that I'm attractive or that I'm an awesome person to be around but when that ends with those words and there is no desire then what's it really worth? The craziest thing is that the only times that I feel attractive are when people are trying to put me down. Just a little bit ago I posted the comments to a fark post where people really did a lot of putting me down... the truth is that those comments only made me stronger and feel better about myself..... It's a hard thing to explain but it is true.... but I still am left with the question of what do I actually have to offer someone in either a romantic relationship or even just in a friendship? The truth is that I may never really believe that I do have something to offer until someone makes the journey and really fights to be with me. If I'm worth taking risks for I don't want to just hear that I'm worth taking risks for -- I want someone to take those risks.