Life is a Roller Coaster

There are many people that say about life being like a roller coaster but I don't think many people stop to think about the anatomy of a roller coaster. What is it about a roller coaster that is so exciting? Is it the climb up the first hill? Not at all... sure, you may be anxious but that's not exciting. When you see the fall your about to take that fear is interpreted as excitement because physiologically our bodies respond to fear the same way as they respond to excitement. When your starting over that first hill your scared but you also know that the ride is designed to keep you safe..... its then that your body still responds in the same way but your mind knows you're safe. As you climb the next hill your body is still in an aroused state and your smiling because while there is a climb and maybe not any excitement your body is releasing endorphins and your mind also knows that the ride did its job and your safe and you prepare for the next drop. Even if you were terrified of the ride at the start you are now simply enjoying it. Sometimes the ride runs out of momentum and the designed puts in a second lift hill because the train isn't going to climb it on its own.... you need assistance.

A roller coaster really is a great representation of life. It all starts out with your parents helping you through those first stages of your life. Its a slow climb but, as is demonstrated by every kid saying they can't wait till they are grown up, its a time of anticipation for what will come. It often seems like the top of that hill is so far away and you can't wait till to get there but then the closer you get there the more that anxious fear sets in. Suddenly you start going over the top and your parents are barely holding on because the chain is ending and your own momentum takes over and you pull away from that chain and its scary and exciting but the track holds you even though you may feel out of control. Your life continues with ups and downs and you've gotta work to climb the hills and you feel like your about to run out of momentum but you just make it over the hills and fall again. Sometimes weird things happen and because of the wind or some other weird anomaly the train just doesn't quite make it over a hill that it was supposed to but because this is a possibility the designer already put a safety that prevents the train from going backwards down the hill.... and then there are those times where the train runs out of momentum and the designer places a climbing hill with a chain that pulls you up that hill so that you can start again with fresh momentum. Sadly, all rides eventually come to an end and its only memories that last and it may mean that you're no longer around but its your experiences on that ride that make others look forward to it rather than be afraid of it.

God has placed many things on the tracks of our lives. There are people there to catch us and keep us from falling until God comes and pushes that train over the hill that it didn't quite make it.... and there are people that support us when we're down and out and just don't have the momentum to get over the next huge phase of our lives. He's put our parents in place to get us to the top of that first hill and designed a track that keeps us excited and catches us before we hit the ground. It's all thought out and planned and there to make the most out of this life. If those ups and downs were not there then our lives would be simply like the train in kiddie land that goes around on flat land -- in other words, boring. Those exciting times in our life are the times where we are scared to death but have an understanding that God is there to catch us at the bottom and guide us back up to start the next hill. We never really know what is ahead in our lives and that's by design. If we could see the entire roller coaster before we get on it then we're not quite as thrilled because part of the thrill is being taken by surprise. What makes life exciting is all of this but the important part is knowing that the designer knows what He was doing and you're eventually going to make it.

Rally To Restore Sanity

If you aren't yet aware Jon Stewart is holding a rally in Washington D.C. this weekend at the National Mall.  With all of the mess going on in our political world I think it's awesome that someone other than Fox News is promoting a rally of people who represent the larger portion of our nation who are not graced with video cameras connected to the entire world.  I hope that we see a large turnout at the rally this weekend and that, above all else, everyone has a fun and safe time.  You can watch Jon's announcement on The Daily Show's Website and you can get more information at www.rallytorestoresanity.com.

From the rally's website:
Ours is a rally for the people who’ve been too busy to go to rallies, who actually have lives and families and jobs (or are looking for jobs) — not so much the Silent Majority as the Busy Majority. If we had to sum up the political view of our participants in a single sentence… we couldn’t. That’s sort of the point.

Think of our event as Woodstock, but with the nudity and drugs replaced by respectful disagreement; the Million Man March, only a lot smaller, and a bit less of a sausage fest; or the Gathering of the Juggalos, but instead of throwing our feces at Tila Tequila, we’ll be actively *not* throwing our feces at Tila Tequila. Join us in the shadow of the Washington Monument. And bring your indoor voice. Or don’t. If you’d rather stay home, go to work, or drive your kids to soccer practice… Actually, please come anyway. Ask the sitter if she can stay a few extra hours, just this once. We’ll make it worth your while.

Who's Money is in Your Wallet?

People make mistakes -- and so do companies. A tough question is where do you draw the line that a mistake becomes a huge issue but personally I think the biggest place where you decide where to draw the line is in customer service. I've had accounts with Capital One for many, many years and just last year I decided to move my checking accounts to them as well since I've been somewhat pleased with their service. Initially, I had issues setting up an account because for some reason my zip code wasn't recognized as being in Virginia. Personally, I don't think this is their fault because I've had this type of issue elsewhere and there really isn't an explanation -- maybe its the fault of the postal service? In any case, I was able to contact the manager at the McLean, VA branch and get 2 checking accounts set up (one for my business and one for personal). One of my primary requirements was that I would be able to easily transfer money between the two accounts via online banking which I was told wasn't going to be an issue -- unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Besides the fact that it wasn't able to happen, I understood the reasons and the customer service that I had received at the McLean branch far surpassed nearly any banking experience that I've ever had and so I decided to keep my accounts there. In some cases I would send a fax to the branch to transfer money and in other cases I would mail a check written from one account into the other account to the McLean branch.

Unfortunately, issues continued when my checks that I mailed seemed to never make it to the branch but then a week or two later it would show up in my account but yet no one at the branch ever touched it. It was determined that my envelopes were, for an unknown reason, being redirected to New Orleans and processed there. Personally, I could care less where the check gets processed but when it's taking at least a week to process it can create issues for a business that's still trying to stay afloat in this economy. There also was one point where the New Orleans processing center deposited my check that I wrote from my business account into my personal account back into the business account (I literally saw the check debited from my account and on the very next line the same check credited back to the account). The manager at the branch continued to work with me on this and any fees that came up as a result of these errors he was more than happy to refund for me and that customer service continued to keep me with Capital One.

What's the point of this post? Well, ultimately, that's the backstory to what happened to me this weekend that completely blows my mind and makes me question the legalities of what the New Orleans (or wherever) processing center did. In many cases when I receive a check from a customer of mine I put it in an envelope with it's endorsement stamper and then I also include another check that is written from the business account to the personal account because, in most cases, the business account is only there for accounting reasons. Early last week I received a check from a customer which I endorsed and included in an envelope to the McLean branch along with a check written to transfer those funds from my business account to my personal account and later that week the same scenario with a check from another customer. It was earlier this week when I saw that second check deposited with still no sign of the first but, because I know this weird routing happens sometimes, I figured the first just got routed to New Orleans. On Friday, I figured out that that was the case, however, something drastic happened. I received a call from "Computer Customer" (name changed) asking me what I did with the check that I had received from them. They were looking at their accounting and they found that there was a payment made to their credit card account that they had no idea about and after calling Capital One's Credit Card Center they told them that the check was written to "Ransom Tech Services" but yet could give no explanation for what it was that happened. It's apparent that what happened was someone processing that check decided to look up Computer Customer's credit card account and then write that account number Under the Ransom Tech Services endorsement stamper which included the Ransom Tech Services account number and credit that check to Computer Customer's credit card. This is where I don't understand how someone could make such a huge error because, first of all, my account number was on the endorsement stamper, and secondly, regardless of why you would look up the company that wrote the check how can you deposit it to that company when they check is written to a company that is, in no way, associated with the source company. So what about that other check that I included in the envelope written to my personal account? Well, of course they took the time to look up my credit card account number and go ahead and credit it to that account which overdraws my business checking account because the money that they were supposed to deposit into my account they gave to someone else. Unfortunately, this takes place Friday afternoon and the branch closes early for the holiday and, therefore, I have a negative account (meaning I'm broke) and I can't even think of getting something done until Tuesday because of the holiday.

So, that's my amazing story. There are crazy things that happen at small companies and small banks but when something like this happens at such a huge institution like Capital One it really makes you wonder how much you can trust these people with your money. I'm curious to see how this turns out but, despite the absolute amazing customer service at the branch, I think I'll be opening a new account somewhere else because I simply can't deal with the incompetence of this mysterious processing center that occasionally receives my checks despite them being addressed to an address that is many states away.

I'm a mess

It's been a long time since I've posted a blog and an even longer time that I've posted about stuff going on in my life but I guess this is the post that breaks that streak.

To sum things up, they aren't really good right now. First and foremost is financial issues. Running a business that depends on computers failing seems like it would be a stable income but the truth is it's not but while it's always had it's ups and downs it has never been anywhere close to this bad before. I occasionally get stressed about money but I usually deal with it and move about my life and just trust that God will take care of it and while I'm trying to best to do that now as well I'm struggling because I've honestly never been this scared about money before in my life and it hurts exceptionally bad that I worked so hard and 6 months ago had my credit score up to over 700 and now I'm lower than I've ever been. This is all I'm really going to say about that right now.... Just thinking about it gives me the sensation of a pending panic attack -- and that is something that I really seriously hope that I don't have to start experiencing again. I guess until they take my car or my house all I can do is my best.

I guess the second thing is the panic issue.... actually, its more of a depression issue. If you look years back in my blog posts you'll realize that I was really having difficulties and that is a place that I never want to visit again, however, this period of my life is the closest that I've ever been to those issues and I'm afraid of a downward spiral taking place. Why is this? Quite simply, a lot has happened. Currently I'm taking a break from firefighting and that is taking a toll on me. One of the largest reasons I joined the fire department was because it was something to do since I really didn't have anyone around me and it really did fill a void. I think what's toughest is that it seems that a lot of people that I figured were friends outside of the fire department really aren't as much as I had thought. It's not true of everyone but at the same time I'm kind of realizing that being part of the fire department is a good thing but it's not quite as good as it had initially seemed. I want to go back and you may ask why I don't just do that but there really isn't an easy way to answer that. There have been some issues at the department that I haven't felt comfortable with for over a year but I did my best to deal with it but recently those things have been getting a bit worse and I've been feeling a bit alone in certain things and I just plain don't feel comfortable with things right now. I pray to God that changes soon but right now, I need to stay away. I am still working with the computer systems at the county level but even that has been a bit stressful with the way some people have been. There's a lot of times that I just plain wish I didn't join the fire service at all.... but on the other hand, I miss it and I want to get back to it as soon as possible. Of course this happens when I volunteer places because I want to help so much and I do and then it just unintentionally becomes something that is taken for granted. You end up deciding you'll never volunteer again but then your volunteering nature comes out and it happens again. I guess its the person I want to be but sometimes it's really tough to deal with and I guess it's exceptionally hard for me to deal with because outside of my volunteering projects I'm all alone. Most people have a group of people that they can fall back on but looking at my life over the last few weeks I literally have not left my house with the exception of going to work, stopping to buy groceries, or bowling a few games (alone, of course). I'm not exaggerating when I say that I literally have gone stretches of 3 or 4 days where I didn't so much as walk out on to my porch. It sounds pathetic, and I guess the reality is that it is pathetic.... but, on the other hand, there isn't anything to do outside of my house.

I don't know what the solution is. All I really know is that I'm scared to death and really just a mess right now. I've been here before.... I got through it.... but the last time I was this much of a mess it certainly didn't clear up overnight..... I know God is out there.... in my heart I know that He has a plan..... and maybe it's just me screwing everything up and thats why His plan isn't working.... I just don't know. Please just keep me in your prayers right now.... I could really use them.... more than ever.

Changes

After many MANY years of loyally supporting Blogger despite there being other solutions that may have fit better it seems that Blogger has given up on me. Why? Because I use FTP to publish my blog to my own site without using Google Hosting, etc. Google/Blogger has announced that they will be stopping support for FTP in the near future and this has left me in a position where I need to move... and move quickly it seems.

Reference: Blogger deprecating FTP publishing

I am very disappointed that after being a user of Blogger since September of 2003 that Google has decided to leave me no option but to find another solution. I feel that I've grown and changed with Blogger and Google and now am just abandoned by them because they have a user base and no real need for those that have stuck by the product.

In the future I will have to be making changes to both notepad.bobkmertz.com and http://blog.bibleboy.org. It is my hope that I will be able to keep these domains with another solution but that is undecided at this time. I will try to update everyone as soon as I have more information.

UPDATE: I have decided to go ahead and move over to Google's hosting since they are now offering subdomains of domains you have DNS hosted elsewhere. I'm not exactly happy about this scenario but this is the result of the Google overlords I guess. To the end-reader this blog shouldn't change at all, however, there may be broken links on some of my old posts. If you find a broken link in one of my posts, please make a comment on that post and let me know about it so I can try to fix it.

Closing another decade

Well, here we are.... ending not only another year but another decade. I really like what Joe Rogan said about getting old.... one day the bag boy says "sir" to you and you realize that you're an adult and the world is doomed. It's hard to believe that in about 6 months I'm going to be 30 years old.....

Sadly I don't know that all that much has really happened or changed in 2009 in my life. It's been a rough year with the economy and it's kind of left me in a slight financial bind but I know that God is in control and all I can do is pray that he takes care of me in 2010 and that he doesn't let the IRS hurt me too bad :) The business is now an LLC which, well, I'm not totally sure what all that means other than I pay Virginia an extra $100 a year..... but it sounds cool, right? I think the most that has happened in 2009 is that I've grown as a firefighter. I had all of my first real experiences this year -- including wrecking a fire truck.... oops. But life is like that.... you don't gain a lot without screwing up a lot.

Right now I'm sitting at the data center handling an urgent issue.... which is good because I can use the extra money to end 2009 on. Just waiting for a server to finish up an fsck and then I'm headed to the station for the night.... Don't really have much of a life but thats ok because I'm sure there'll be a few drunk drivers that will need our help.

One last thought..... does anyone else think its funny that 10 years ago today people were sitting on stock piles of food and water because all of the computers were going to explode and the world was going to end because we were all going back in time to 1900? Me? I wasn't concerned but I was in the basement to turn off the main circuit breaker at midnight and scare the crap out of my aunt.....

Anyway, I hope that everyone has a great 2010 and that God Blesses you and your families. Please go out and have a good night but if you drink please don't drive.

Respect, Join, Fight

Lots of people always say that everyone has their purpose and the one thing that they were meant for. Most of the time its finding that purpose that's the problem but then even after you find that finding what you're supposed to do with that is a whole different ball game. I've been alive for 29 years now and I still can't tell you what I'm meant for. I can tell you that I have been given clues and I have ideas and that every day that goes by I learn just a little bit more of who I am. It's a process -- and I don't think it ends until life it's self ends. Of course, a few weeks ago I went home to PA for my great grandmother's funeral and I have to wonder that in the 109 years that she lived if she knew what her purpose was or if she really just lived her purpose without even knowing it. Personally, I think most people do just that -- and there isn't anything wrong with that.

If you look at any sports team you'll see different players serving a different purpose. They all have their position or their task. The greatest football player may just be the one that never gets a touchdown. Actually, there is no such thing as the greatest football player which is why it wasn't Ben Roethlisberger that won the Lombardi but the Steelers. Sure we have MVPs and awards that honor individual players but I don't think anyone will argue that the greatest award in the NFL is winning the Super Bowl. In a player's life they will go through many different positions and sometimes it'll take years and years for them to find their place and it'll happen by their coaches and team mates seeing something in them that would be great for another position other than what they may be in at any given moment. In fact, it's rarely the person that finds their place in anything but those around them.

I just finished watching an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger -- specifically Evil in the Night -- which made me again realize one component of me that defines who I am and what it is that excites me. Quite simply it is multiple people and organizations joining together for a common fight. If you asked any person what the most exciting part of that episode was I can all but guarantee that not a single person would tell you the same answer as I would. The part of this episode that got me most excited is when Ranger Trivette decided that the elders of the tribe needed to have a ceremony over an ancient burial ground that was disturbed in order to help Ranger Walker. The next scene was a van with the elders following Ranger Trivette in his truck with his red light flashing -- it was that scene that excited me the most. There is a lot to be said about that scene and more than most people probably even thought of.

This episode started out with the talk of ghosts and demons and Ranger Trivette really didn't buy any of it. As time went on he started to warm up to the idea but I doubt that he ever really understood or possibly even fully believed that evil spirits were being used in the attacks that happened in this episode. In order for my favorite scene to happen there was a very serious thing that needed to take place and that was simply that Trivette needed to respect the beliefs of the native americans regardless of whether he believed them or not. Aside from the respect there was another major component that had to happen and that was two groups that really don't always see eye to eye needed to join together and totally cooperate. The Native Americans could have easily said "these are the people that took our land" or refused to take part in easing the spirits of the souls of those buried in the burial ground that was disturbed in order to build a new building that had nothing to do with them -- but they didn't. They realized that people were in danger and that there was something that needed to be done for the good of everyone and they gladly went with Trivette.

All of us have our enemies individually but then we have our enemies that oppose the groups that we are in. I know I personally have a hard time with some people at the fire hall and in many cases it's better to avoid those people but if the call comes in and its down to me and those people we all have to put things aside and realize that our enemy as a group at that moment in time is the fire or the mangled car holding someone inside and we need to defeat that enemy as our major priority. It may not always be easy but I try. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to put aside your seniority or your rank and realize that everyone needs to learn from everyone and join together for the common good. On a larger scale one thing that I think is awesome is that when we're driving our ambulance or engine out of town and a police cruiser is sitting waiting for speeders that officer will often flash their lights at us to say hi and we'll do the same -- despite all the talk about the police dept did this or the fire dept did this we realize and recognize in that moment that we are on the same team regardless of our differences. When Joey and I arrived first on the scene to the accident where the 16 year old girl got hit by the drunk driver we went to work and we did what we knew best to do and as more engines arrived each person took their part in doing what needed to be done. We also had sheriff's deputies and state troopers on the scene and there wasn't any fights about jurisdiction -- it was people getting done what needed to be done. The officers handled the issues with the drunk driver and the fire department was there to help while the firefighters handled the scene and officers were there to help and the EMTs did their part and I still held c-spine on the girl even tho I'm a firefighter and not an EMT. Everyone doing their part is what took care of that scared girl and got the guy in jail that needed to be in jail.

It's really sad that you don't hear about these things and mostly don't see them anymore. And I don't just mean in the fire service, the NFL, or any other organization but in each person's personal life. We see Virginia license plates that say "Fight Terrorism" on a car that cuts off numerous people in order to save a few seconds of their commute. Instead of joining together to be prepared for what may happen we disrespect others and ignore the fact that others could use our help and genuine advice until disaster strikes and, only then, do we pull together.

As humans we all need to realized that it is a crucial part of our survival to respect each person and let them do what they believe they are meant to do and to help them, and allow others to help us, realize what our place in life is. Once we start respecting each other and start learning about each other then we can join together and fight the common enemy rather than arguing amongst ourselves. Without respect we can't join and without joining we can't win.