"I hate my life! I wish I was a [insert favorite animal here]"

How many times do you hear someone say that? Actually, how many times have *I* said that? As humans, we deal with so much crap that we don't want to deal with and I believe the truth is that God never intended it to be this way. There is a very important key to the story of Adam and Eve and that involves the name of the tree.

When God gave Adam and Eve the Garden of Eden, there was one tree that was called "The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil" and they were told that they were forbidden to eat from the tree. Later, Eve was tempted and mankind fell. People interpret all of the pain we experience now as a result of the sin but I don't think that is entirely true. Oh, the sin does not help, but I believe the tree really was what God called it. If you ate from the tree you gained knowledge of good and evil.

So what is one of the largest differences between humans and animals? Animals run off of pure instinct. Animals have very large emotions at times but everything they do is the result of an instinct. They don't have moral reasoning. When you're training a dog, the dog does not respond to negative reinforcement because you hurt their feelings but rather that they associate the bad thing they did with the bad result. The more I learn about birds, the more I learn this concept. My quaker says a lot of different words and she says them in very humorous times in many cases.... but those words are not said out of reasoning but rather out of a situation. It's an association of the word and some kind of external stimuli that prompts that word to be said. Again, there is no reasoning and no thought of "hey, it would be really funny if I said this"....

If we combine these two concepts then we can understand why people say they would rather be an animal. We're being punished for our sinful nature out of the natural result of the sin. If a child touches a hot stove, they are naturally punished by being burned. The nature of eating of the fruit of that tree was that we now have this knowledge and moral reasoning that we were not initially intended to have. As a result, we have to deal with a lot more than just acting upon instinct. So if animals still act only upon instinct, it's only natural that we would want to be one of those animals that doesn't have to worry about moral reasoning. They don't have to wonder what the "correct" response is and how it might affect other people's feelings. As humans, we don't want this responsibility. The truly sad part about this is that we take on even more than we have to. We take it to the extreme and we transfer this into a model of weighing what other people think of us before we act.

Last night I was hanging out with a 1 year old and I was curbing fussiness by acting like a complete and total idiot in a very congested neighborhood. The happiness of that child was much more important to me than what other people (strangers) thought of me. Last night I was able to simply act without thinking of what anyone else thought of me. I erased that line that everyone so often prevents them from allowing them to do something that their nature and their instinct would have had them do. They miss out..... the same way I miss out all the times that I allow that line to stop me. I was rewarded last night by something that I couldn't have even began to expect. Out of nowhere I received one of the greatest hugs of my life. It may sound small but in this situation, it meant more to me than anyone can even begin to imagine. Nothing I did was working towards that hug -- but that is what made it so awesome.

There are a lot of trade offs to the fact that we now face moral judgement. We experience ups and downs. While it may be true that things would be less painful if Adam and Eve had never sinned, it also would mean that we wouldn't experience a lot of the amazing happiness that we now can. For one example, animals don't even enjoy sex -- oh, but we do! Because of our struggles, we gain great rewards and one of the reasons those rewards are so strong is simply because we had to work for them and we understand the opposite. We understand the pain and as a result, we can enjoy the happiness even more.

While there is a very evident sign of emotions inside many animals, it is not the same as what we, as humans, experience. The emotions that animals experience are based out of instinct. This doesn't mean that your dog or my birds don't want us around them or that they are not happy to see us but their base emotion is not what we know as love. While my birds are happy to see me and sad to see me leave, their instincts are greater. Bacardi has bit me quite a few times and it wasn't because he was out to attack me or because he wanted to hurt me but rather because he felt threatened for one reason or another. Animals are not able to have a self-less love for anyone else. It is only humans that are able to intentionally lay down their lives for a friend....

.... and it is that reason that selflessness and erasing the lines of "the way it is" is so important to our happiness. When we make a sacrifice for someone else we are rewarded by knowing that we have done something that most of the universe is incapable of. It's what makes us, as humans, unique... and that is what we search for most: Uniqueness.

Waitress gets $10k Tip

These are the kinds of things that need to happen in the world more often. Completely self-less people helping people in need. God has given me similar blessings and I really pray that some day I am able to be the person God uses to bless someone in this type of way..... I guess this is why I like the country way of life - it's not about who is better than the other but rather about the needs of others.

This is an ongoing blog for the day. I am in Shenendoah National Park and will have no signal all day. I've been feeling really under appreciated and realized I have become a negative person. I need to be reminded of what God has given us. Last night I watched "The 5 People You Meet in Heaven" and it reminded me that God has a reason for everything that happens.

1:00pm
Just got into the park. I came in via 522 because driving up the mountain there is an adventure in it's self. The attitude your surrounded by is the way life should be - we'll get there when we get there but until then, let's enjoy the ride.

1:30pm
I initially thought that this day should be a day for me to live without technology and just enjoy what God gave us in nature but I think maybe I forgot that He gave us technology as well. I have really enjoyed having a V6 today. It has allowed me to enjoy the drive more - as odd as that may sound. And while I may not have a signal, having my phone is more important than I expected. I assumed it would stay in the car but now I realize that with the camera and the ability to keep this ongoing blog, I can share this experience with others that may never get the opportunity. So I guess this just needs to be a day that I let God lead me and show me what He wants me to see.

1:50pm
Starting on the whiteoak canyon falls trail

2:25pm
Things change so much. To think that at one point all of our major cities were nothing more than nature - with a beauty like this park. I think things are meant to change for reasons we don't understand. While we may not like the changes to us or to the areas we live in, we should consider ourselves blessed to have experienced those times and carry those memories on to the next generation. If we spend all of our effort on fighting the changes then the memory of what we are fighting for will die with us.

2:55pm
While I said I was going to do no climbing on rocks, I couldn't resist one. While it really wasn't much of a climb, being able to sit up here with the sun shining down through the trees and beating off the stream was worth whatever it took. Truly, I didn't know how awesome it would look on top of this rock but I never would have known if I didn't take the risk. My gut said it would look great and I just had to act upon that. Sometimes I think we need to listen to our gut more often, despite the world telling us what is best. Many people would have told me not to climb the rock but the world doesn't have all the answers. We are supposed to go to school, get a job, make lots of money. There really is a place for that but each one of us is unique and if we try to live oir lives according to everyone else or to corporate america or whatever, we don't even scratch the surface of what we are capable of. We miss out.

3:15pm
Climbed another rock :)
I just passed a family that had a 3 year old that was crying non-stop. I don't know why someone could think their 3 year old could walk a 4-5 mile trail but it got me thinking of how often God pushes us to do something and we cry the whole time that we can't do it. We may know that He has a reason but we don't realize how beautiful the falls are at the end of the trail. Unless we had some one pushing us, we would never experienced something great. A parent does push their child to what they know they can handle. They push them to walk when they would rather crawl. They also expect the tears and screaming. A parent that loves their child wants them to grow and understand that its going to be a struggle for them as well as their child. They won't push their child beyond what is safe but definately will push them.

3:30pm
Some climbs are worth the view and some are not. We want to know if its worth it or not before we go but we don't know until we check it out for ourselves.

4:00pm
I met up with a group of people and its nice just talking to random people.

5:35pm
Stopped at the picnic grounds with the group of people I met up with.... After being taught an important lesson. The 3 year old that was crying on my way down... Well we passed them going up and the one girl in the group asked them if they needed help carrying her so three of us took turns carrying her. Man I needed that to happen. I'm someone who wants to help people and yet I got so into the why that I missed the opportunity. We do this a lot. We get so bitter up what is wrong that we miss the solution.

8:45pm
Just watching the end of the sunset. The group I had been hanging out with invited me to go to an outlook and watch it with them. We read Scripture and just really enjoyed God's creation. I can't believe how much we miss on a day to day basis. God has given us so much to enjoy every day but the problem is that we don't pay attention to it. Its amazing how everything fits together so perfectly. God has this world and our lives so perfectly timed but it seems that we never pay attention to His schedule.

I guess this day is winding down and that means this entry is as well. In a short while my cell phone will get a signal and while it sends this blog it will also receive lots of emails and maybe even voicemails and I will be attached to the world again but my hope is that I will remember the things God taught me today and that I remember that, in the same way He had me run into a great group of Christians, He will always provide my needs.....

.... And use me to provide for the needs of others

Dear Congress,
Please do not allow others to compete in communications. We are a monopoly and like it.
Sincerely,
AT&T

Hi. This is bob. The guy that has never been able to make anyone happy and continually upsets people by caring for them.

This is why I am 27 and live alone and don't even have anything on the horizon. All I want to do is help people. I don't expect anything in return but for some reason that isn't even good enough. Why couldn't I have been born in the 1920's? Why do I have to be this way?

I realize that all I have to offer, no one is interested in. As a result, my life is pointless. I don't understand why God created me..... I feel like I'm nothing more than a waste of space. My goal is to make people happy but I can only accomplish the opposite.

It seems I am again at a point of not having a clue what is going on with my life. I'm kind of just wandering around this life with no direction... And when it comes to making something work, I lose interest. I guess I'm the Dr House of life. I just get sick of the same old stuff... And to try to question why is even more complicated than the feeling its self. Ironically I think everyone I meet loses interest in me and I'm left emotionally alone. I'd like to find someone that actually takes an interest in me - in who I am. The only people that seem to have an interest obviously find something that they don't like - at this point they either disappear or try to be nice and pretend to be there for me. Words do not mean anything to me anymore. Its so easy to say we'll do this or that but carrying through is what counts to me. I don't expect anyone to constantly sacrifice themselves for me but unless it happens every now and then, I have no reason to believe the words that are said. Suddenly I'm nothing more than a convience. I'm not saying that people always take advantage of me but its more of an out of sight/out of mind thing. If I'm present, they are a good friend but I can only be present when its convient for them.
Right now there are some questions about my physical health. There is a lot going on in me right now that isn't normal and no one seems to be able to figure it out. One thing I think I may need to accept is that some of this could be anxiety creeping back up on me. I don't want to have to even think about the time when my family doctor says he can't find anything and, for lack of anything else, he refers me to a psychiatrist. That might be the time that I really do give up. Its a real hard thing wondering if your going to live to be 30. Ok, nothing points to anything that drastic but at the same time there is a huge unknown. The hardest part about this is I am alone in this. Aside from my parents, I can pretty much bet no one would visit me if I was in the hospital.
I need someone in my life. I can not do this on my own. I can't stay focused when I am on my own. There isn't anyone there, nor is there anyone on the horizon. Hell, even the eharmony system is scraping the barrel to find a match - almost all of my matches are marked with "flexible matching". I guess I'm not compatible with anyone - and its now a scientific fact.

Ok, finally I think I got things running with my websites and email and such. Sorry for anyone I confused.

So things are better this morning.... thats the good news. This weekend really kicked my butt even tho there were exciting things that happened and I guess I was just so worn out last night that I over-reacted to some things. While there were things that incredibly hurt me, my interpretation of those things was incorrectly estimated.

It's a new day and a new week.... and I got a new car. Life is just about moving on, I suppose, and making the best of the situation we're in.