Now I know why God provided more abundantly.... My car failed emissions even after being fixed..... Its all still in His hands tho. After midnight tonight my car will turn into a pumpkin.... I leave work at 1am so I'm driving it straight to the garage and dropping the keys in the slot.... So we'll do this all over again....

I don't want anyone to ever tell me my life isn't adventurous :)

Well I picked up my car and payed my $300 bill.... I am now waiting in line at an emissions inspection because in VA someone who is certified to fix emissions problems can not be certified to inspect emissions.... This also means they can not guarentee me to pass since VA doesn't give them that ability.

At least I got some sleep... But gosh darn is it hot sitting in a car in line in summer in VA with broken AC..... I think AC will be my next order of business.

Let's just hope for the best.... And BTW... God did provide for rent tomorrow.... Actually he provided more abundantly than needed.... Yes, I serve an amazing God!

So I just left work...... *sigh* why do I give so much effort when I know one cares if I stay up 48 hours for them or I work 12-20hr shifts.....

I need sleep....

Well... Earlier God really let His peace fall on me again. Yea I'm concerned about where me rent is coming from but it is all in Gods hands and He reminded me of that today.

I really can't wait to get to bed tho :)

So my last post has had alot of comments and they still might be going on.... I just wanted to post some things here in mainstream... and I also wanted to say a few things about leaving comments on my blog.

First tho... my current situation. My car's registration expires tomorrow night at midnight and in the state of VA you can not re-register your car without having a valid emissions sticker.... my car has failed misserably... twice. This means that I have to get the thing diagnosed, fixed, and inspected again before midnight tomorrow. The biggest problem with this is that my rent is due on Friday.... in order to pay for fixing my car, that leaves me without my rent payment... and that also is bad in the state of VA... they can evict you within 2 weeks. So I'm in a pretty scary situation at the moment. I have an appointment for my car tomorrow... the emissions estimate is $79... that includes no work at all.... so the price is getting steep already.... but I dont have much of a choice, I guess. With all this inspection stuff I literally did not sleep at all last night.... about an hour ago I put an away message up that I was going to get a couple hours of sleep before work and immediately I got an email asking me to come in early.... well in the long run this may be good.... this means I can push myself a little bit but be done around 10pm so that I can actually get a decent sleep (plus I'll be tired enough to actually fall asleep) and get up early to get my car taken care of. At this point, I dont know where my rent money is coming from.... but I guess I'll leave that in God's Hands... He's provided so far.

Now, regarding my last post... it seems there is alot of speculation on how I feel about Tiff.... I guess the truth is I'm not even sure.... I know this... I care about her alot. I dont understand why she gave up on me and walked away from me.... and I really dont understand why she hasnt responded to any of the letters that I sent her (basically I dont understand why she is ignoring me).... but I'm not meant to understand this stuff right now.... I respect her decissions.... Is it hard on me? Yes, of course.... this is the girl that I planned on spending my life with.... I dont know whats going on... a big part of me says Jim came back into the picture. I dont know if thats true or not... but even if it is, that is her decission... She needs to do what she feels is best for her.... all I can do is let her go.... I know that I have God on my side and that even tho people fail me and let go of me, I know that He will never let God. No matter how much of a pain I am to deal with... or how much of a horrible person I am or become, He will never leave me.... I am completely open to whatever God does. He has filled my life with some amazing people since Tiff left me.... why? Right now its nothing more than I need that friendship that I lost with Tiff... Where will those relationships go? I don't know... I'm not going to put words in God's mouth... I'll let Him do whatever it is that He is doing.... It is in His hands.... If I am to be with Tiff, she'll come back.... until then, I will respect her and let her make the decission to call me or whatnot.... If I am to be with someone else, great... whatever God wants is what is best for me and that is the route I am taking. My eyes are NOT closed to other possibilities.... in the past, they have been.... currently, they are on God and what He is doing.

Now, regarding comments... please post them as much as you can. It really helps me when I know that people are actually reading and taking an intrest in my life... and never feel that you are offending or upsetting me.... it really takes alot to tick me off.... You can attack me and what I do all you want.... and I'll respond back.... but dont feel that you've offended me and don't feel like I am attacking you back.... All of this helps me iron out what is going on in this crazy little brain of mine.

Here are a few ground rules for posting comments:

* Please post them all you can

* Do not attack God in any way. If you want to attack my religion or my bleifs, that is fine but do NOT attack God directly.

* Do not attack Tiff... No arguments here... just dont do it. I know whats going on in some of your heads... and that is fine... but keep it to yourself. I care deeply about Tiff and I still have alot of respect for her. She does not deserve to be attacked by you.... and in all honesty, all your going to do is upset me too.... so you won't accomplish anything.

I think those are about it.... I have about 10 hours to go till I can drop my car off and get my butt to bed.... boy am I looking forward to it. God, give me the strength.....

Its kind of a down day for me... Been a bit stressful... Kinda anxious about whether my car will pass inspection tomorrow.... If it doesn't, as of friday I legally can't drive it.

This is one of those nights I wish I could go home and curl up with my girl.... But I guess it helps if you have a girl.... Lots of things rushing around in my mind today.... One of those is trying to figure out what I could have done differently so that Tiff wouldn't have given up on me. I don't know... I guess... Well... I *know* its God's will for me to be single now.... But for how long? Maybe till tomorrow? I guess the toughest thing is that I haven't even heard from Tiff.... I was so obsessed with seeing her accomplish her dream of becoming a vet.... And now I don't even know if she is still alive... I wrote her a letter... Well a couple... And I haven't heard anything... I'd love to know.... But then again if it's not God's will for us to be together then its probably for the better.

Just a lot on my mind.... I know great things are right around the corner for.... The perfect girl is one of those. Ill be fine.... Just gotta get through the next few weeks.

Please keep me in your prayers.

Someday Ill find the one that won't give up on me.... Right?

One of these days ill be able to look stress in the eye and laugh in its face...... Until then I just gotta take baby steps and realize I'm nothing more than a diamond in the rough and the heat and pressure God is letting happen so I can become what He wants me to be. Its not easy but its worth it.