Man have I had better days :(

I know not many people that would be reading this follow tech much but I wanted to put the Kim family in my thoughts and prayers here anyway. James Kim was the editor in chief at CNet, a company responsible for a lot of the podcasts I listen to as well as the operator of many popular websites.

James Kim and his family were traveling when they became stranded. James built a fire for his family and then set off for help. Earlier this week the family was found and the search continued for James. On Wednesday, James' body was found just miles from shelter.

"In my eyes, as a father, and in the eyes of his family, he is a true hero. He took the difficult but at the same time easy decision to risk his life to save the lives of those he loved the most...Rest in peace, brave man."
--CNET reader

CNET's James Kim: 1971-2006

Lisa is almost as much of a geek as I am :)
Believe it or not, this is her favorite place to be......

It's snowing! :)
It may be just flurries but it counts...... strange thing is that last night I was walking around outside without a jacket.

I just hope I get to ski a decent bit this year

Every now and then I read back over some of my posts and I was just noticing how I mention Tiff at random times and some of those posts seem like I am trying to attack her. I just want to try and set things clear on that.

Tiff was, obviously, a very big part of my life.... and I do still care about her and I always will. This does not mean that I want to pursue a relationship with her again, and actually, I don't know that a friendship is even something that I would want at this moment. But since she was such a huge part of my life for such a long time the entire relationship was one lesson after another.

Nothing that I say is meant to put her down. I truly do wish her and Jason the best and I hope things work out well for them. I don't want to put any more stress on them than I know they already have. On the other hand, there were a lot of lessons that I learned in that relationship and lessons that I am still learning. I use the relationship Tiff and I had as examples to both myself and to anyone else that they may be helpful to.

As humans, we all make mistakes.... one after another. The only way that we can really thrive at life is to learn from our mistakes and to learn from the mistakes of others. This is why I think it is important to share things that some people think shouldn't be shared. If I screwed up somewhere and I admit it then I am not keeping any secrets, I can be held accountable for the future, and someone else can learn.

All of us are part of the same world and we need to begin accepting each other for who they are and we need to quit feeling like we need to hide who we truly are.

Three real life scenarios that are all the exact same thing.

First: A high school teacher who has her own shortcomings gives one of her students a retest... and another... and so on. She believes this student is capable of more and she wont stop giving him chances until he either passes or he gives up. As a student, you're sick of working towards it.... you actually want her to quit giving you chances so you can just take the failing grade and move on.

Second: When the issues started arising with Tiff I started having a really hard time trusting her but yet I believed that she had it in her to be honest .... So while I may have known something I still asked her the question.... I wanted her to tell me the truth so that I could reaffirm the belief that she had an honest heart. I wanted to hear the truth so that I could begin trusting her again.... but every lie -- even the little "white" ones just frustrated both of us in the long run. I was a person who had alot of his own problems but had a belief about someone and put faith in someone doing the right thing. Ultimately, I was let down when Tiff gave up and felt more comfortable lying than actually caring about the truth.

Those are just faliable humans having faith in another faliable human.... but the third is how God feels about us. He knows us and knows what we are capable of and He gives us retest after retest until we pass. The same way that the student became annoyed by the teacher and Tiff became annoyed by me, we often become annoyed with God. But see, God is not faliable. And to think that He still believes we are capable of something great is pretty incredible.

I am really glad that in the Bible we can see that even the great heroes were perpetually confused. Trying to understand this life is tough and trying to understand people is even more confusing. I am also really glad that in Christ, I have a direction.... whether I know what that direction is or not.

I am realizing how much I unintentionally annoyed people. Over the last 10 years of my life I have had many people really hurt me emotionally but the problem was that I let that ruin the few friends that were actually not hurting me. The problem was I was so consumed by my pain that I brought everyone else down.

So I am realizing this all now because I am on the other end of the spectrum. I am surrounded by people that are looking for something that I cant provide and they bring me down in the process. The worst part is that some of these people really make me feel uncomfortable.... some people use what I do have to offer as an excuse not to get better.... so then I am stuck in my own personality flaw of not being able to help someone and beating myself up over it..... so what do I do? I hate the fact that I cant help... but additionally I am affraid that the people who are now what I was will pull me back to that time of my life.... and thats just not good for anyone.

We were talking together
I said, "What's up with this weather?"
Don't know whether or not
How sad I just got
Was of my own volition
Or if I'm just missing the sun
And tomorrow, I know
Will be rainy at best
And the forecast, I know
Is that I'll be depressed
But I'll wait outside
Hoping that I'll catch sight of the sun
Because on and off
The clouds have fought for control over the sky
And lately, the weather has been so bi-polar
And consequently, so have I

But now I'm sunny with a high of 75
Since You took my heavy heart, and made it light
And it's funny how you find you enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive

And the temprature's freezing
And then, after dark
There's a cold front sweeping
In over my heart
And we might break up
If I don't wake up to the sun

Because on and off
The clouds have fought for control over the sky
And lately, the weather has been so bi-polar
And consequently, so have I

And now I'm sunny with a high of 75
Since You took my heavy heart, and made it light
And it's funny how you find you enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive

Sunny with a high of 75
Since You took my heavy heart, and made it light (Made it light)
And it's funny how you find you enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive

"High of 75" lyrics / Relient K