For now I'm just going to say God is amazing.... it's been a while since I posted a song to my blog but it's well overdue.... and this one is just plain perfect!
Alright, Alright
Yeah it's alright, alright
Don't need no five star reservations
I've got spaghetti and a cheap bottle of wine
Don't need no concert in the city
I've got a stereo and the best of Patsy Cline
Ain't got no caviar no Dom Perignon
But as far as I can see, I've got everything I want
Cause I've got a roof over my head,
the woman I love laying in my bed
And it's alright, alright
I've got shoes under my feet
Forever in her eyes staring back at me
And it's alright, alright
And I've got all I need
And it's alright by me
Maybe later on we'll walk down to the river
Lay on a blanket and stare up at the moon
It may not be no French Riviera
But it's all the same to me as long as im with you
It may be a simple life, but that's okay
If you ask me baby, I think I've got it made
Cause I've got a roof over my head,
the woman I love laying in my bed
And it's alright, alright
I've got shoes under my feet
Forever in her eyes staring back at me
And it's alright, alright
And I've got all I need
And it's alright by me
It's alright by me, yeah yeah
When I lay down at night I thank the Lord above
For giving me everything I ever could dream of
Cause I've got a roof over my head,
the woman I love laying in my bed
And it's alright, alright, alright, alright
I've got shoes under my feet
Forever in her eyes staring back at me
And it's alright, alright, alright
And I've got all I need, yeah
I've got all I need
And it's alright by me
Oh yeah, it's alright by me
"Alright" by Darius Rucker
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
Friday, December 03, 2010
Ultimately alone
It's no secret that I've been dealing with a lot recently and, to many, it's known that I have hit the point of not caring and then somehow managed to muster enough care to keep going. There is a lot to be said about the people that are around you and the people that interact making a difference in your life and that difference can be both positive and negative. Probably one of the biggest things that I feel is a huge loneliness inside and a huge lack of purpose -- ironically I think those are both directly related since if there isn't anyone else around then there really isn't any purpose for anything.
One thing that's made it especially hard for me is that, while it's true that there are people that I interact with at the fire station, I am ultimately alone. I live alone and I work alone so the majority of my life is lived alone. With all of the things that I have been facing I've ultimately been facing them alone. The thing, above all else, that bugs me the most is that anytime I've tried to express this in a facebook status or a twitter update I always get the same thing over and over again... people coming out of everywhere to say that "no, that's not true" or that I mean something to them or that I have them or whatever but ultimately those are just words. Now, granted, some of those are from family who live 4 hours away and it's no fault of theirs but ultimately they can't be what I need and it's certainly not something I hold against them. I know I have people that are praying for me and I don't want to discount what that means to me in any way because it's huge -- but when I express this aloneness that I am dealing with it's not something that is going to be solved by someone saying that they are there but, instead, its going to take action.
I don't want to sit here and blame the world tho.... I know that at least some of this falls back on me, at least according to what some others have told me. Should I be going out and meeting people? Well, sure.... but where do I find people especially when doing anything requires money which just goes right back to other struggles in my life right now but besides that, after so long you really seriously start to believe that there is no one else out there like you. You can only have so many conversations before you start to realize that you look at things in a totally different light than all of the people around you and while a part of me is proud of who I am and how I look at things there is also that huge part of me that feels more and more alienated because, well, there isn't really anyone that gets me. I'm sure that I've made subconscious choices that have led me to this lonely life that I live but then, at the same point, many of those choices may have been made to protect me because I'm guessing it's better to feel alone than to feel rejected.... but what do I know since the lonely feeling brings it's own feeling of rejection.
I don't know what the solution is... I don't know if there is one.... and this isn't really a blog asking for advice but, rather, its just trying to get things off my chest.
One thing that's made it especially hard for me is that, while it's true that there are people that I interact with at the fire station, I am ultimately alone. I live alone and I work alone so the majority of my life is lived alone. With all of the things that I have been facing I've ultimately been facing them alone. The thing, above all else, that bugs me the most is that anytime I've tried to express this in a facebook status or a twitter update I always get the same thing over and over again... people coming out of everywhere to say that "no, that's not true" or that I mean something to them or that I have them or whatever but ultimately those are just words. Now, granted, some of those are from family who live 4 hours away and it's no fault of theirs but ultimately they can't be what I need and it's certainly not something I hold against them. I know I have people that are praying for me and I don't want to discount what that means to me in any way because it's huge -- but when I express this aloneness that I am dealing with it's not something that is going to be solved by someone saying that they are there but, instead, its going to take action.
I don't want to sit here and blame the world tho.... I know that at least some of this falls back on me, at least according to what some others have told me. Should I be going out and meeting people? Well, sure.... but where do I find people especially when doing anything requires money which just goes right back to other struggles in my life right now but besides that, after so long you really seriously start to believe that there is no one else out there like you. You can only have so many conversations before you start to realize that you look at things in a totally different light than all of the people around you and while a part of me is proud of who I am and how I look at things there is also that huge part of me that feels more and more alienated because, well, there isn't really anyone that gets me. I'm sure that I've made subconscious choices that have led me to this lonely life that I live but then, at the same point, many of those choices may have been made to protect me because I'm guessing it's better to feel alone than to feel rejected.... but what do I know since the lonely feeling brings it's own feeling of rejection.
I don't know what the solution is... I don't know if there is one.... and this isn't really a blog asking for advice but, rather, its just trying to get things off my chest.
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